Depraved

My life so far

2010-04-21T17:06:00.002+08:00

Hey guys! It's been forever since I've updated. All of 1 year and erm 3 months I guess? But hey!

I'm updating now, because I've dedicated this blog to revelations. Which actually really means me talking / musing to myself if there is no readership. LOL! But yeah, let's not dwell on my lack of advertisement or "sellable" content.

I have 5 exams to take in 2 weeks. So I'm jumping into revision mode. Like go to Starbucks and buy coffee till it hurts HARDCORE! I'm so jacked up on caffine, starbucks will probably slap a $100 entry fee for me if I didn't leave when I did.

I'm taking ECONS now and I have to say that it is bitching hard. I mean, I took my degree with the reasoning that I needed a sharp business acumen in order to BE THE MAN THAT I WILL BECOME! so you know take life by the horns and kick it in the balls! Or smth like that...

I wanna tell you more about how I'm coping, but basically, I just load up on JAVA (not mocha) and then I hit the books with a vengence! Every time I finish a question that I know I got right, I do a BOO YAH! I would love to break into dance and kick over some tables, but I need the Starbucks at Simei to like me. So as of now, my celebrations are just *whispers* boo ya....

RECENTLY,
I realised that I'm an ass. I mean, I always knew but the gravity of my MEAN GUY action only hit me of late... what do you know.. in a STARBUCKS! ANYWAYS! I kept insulting my friends repeatedly and have been doing it for sometime...

So I thought I was being mean... then I kinda realised, I was, BUT WITH REASON. (btw, rationationalizing action is a reflexive technique in which the individual learns about the norms of society. For more read up on Mead. The individual and I....) OK I digress...

So I'm mean cos I hate them. Or well dislike them. Hate is such a strong and nasty word reserved for poignant feelings... I'm not there, in this situation, yet. Well basically, they don't get me and I can't put up with people who don't get me anymore... This is the part when I do my skitzo thing and talk back to myself. It's like the good fairy / bad fairy conundrum except, it's just me being psycho.

GOOD FAIRY: Kegan, seriously you think you're so great... I mean if they're your friends, then you accept them for all they are. I mean, you've known them for so long.

BAD FAIRY: I've known you for so long Goodie, I still hate your guts! (Ok ok... It played out differently)

BAD FAIRY: Yeah, but if I want to be the person that I am, then I need to surround myself with people that I hope to emulate. I mean, if I hang with them, all I have to look forward to is more DOORMAT patience, and you know goodie... I'm so over that.

GOOD FAIRY: You're a whore Baddie... They've been great pals to you. You can't just turn your back on them and go. Ta ta. It's not like a fucking break-up!

BAD FAIRY: True. But if you see no point in doing something and you get no enjoyment out of it. Then what's the point? Ya know? It's like getting a really badly made ICE CREAM cone. All the good stuff is falling out and you're just holding on to a crappy wanna be thing that you THINK might be good if you lick it fast enough, but the truth is.... It's gone...

And you aint got enough to hold the good in.

GOOD FAIRY: I do like ICE CREAM! Paddle POP! woW! PADDLE POP! hey! SUPER DUPER YUMMY!

Yup and so I rationalised that I sld stop hanging out with certain friends. And so I'm trying to.

Let's see how this REVEAL fucks me in the ass... CONSEQUENCE BOO YAH!

The ring in my ears won't go away....

2009-01-03T03:24:00.002+08:00

It's been awhile... Don't cha think?

You see... I've been living a life of perpeptual boredom... BUT tonight...

I set myself free? Why is it that when I drink? When I dampen life with friendly depressents, which I love so much, that I believe in life?

Would it be that by denying myself of the life that I could have, I die? Or would it be, that by swapping worlds for just 5 hours that I live better than before?

I hate being conflicted!!! All this mindless grinding and sex dancing! Is there a point? Or am I too rigid to let go?

AYE FUCKING FUCK IT!

The ringing in my ears will not stop... Nor will the images of the girl who showed me her GLORIOUS middle finger when I tried to hook her up in front of her boyfriend....

Norrrrr the lousy DJ at double O telling me that it's rude to tell the DJ to change songs when he sucks? What in the world happened to honest feedback? What happen to constructive criticsim? Did it die with euphoria? Or did it fade to oblivion with commercialisation?

ALL I know is... Jamie... I've got your number love... but it's you who's going to call me... Cos my dear....

I'm Kegan Tan...

High as poverati turned alto... and fucking lovin' it!

The Cosmos Speak

2008-08-23T19:39:00.003+08:00

Hi there.

I am more sure of myself now. I have emlimitated most of my self-inflicting doubt. But now I have another problem!

It be my greatest weakness! It is sloth!I am lazy. And unthoughtful and ungrateful! I am comfortable.

I sld not be!

I take so much for granted.

My mistakes are as follows:
1. My parents do not know where I am at all times - I let them worry...
2. My brothers do not know what's happening in my life - they should have someone to look up and come to you know?
3. I push people around too much - press their buttons more than i sld
4. I insult people in their faces - I think I am better than them.
5. I am emo cos I lost my psp - Doesn't help anyone.
6. I am disorganized - I am.
7. I make excuses - I shouldn't

I am blessed! I still think I'm not.

I am in Officer Cadet School (OCS). I think it's cool, but I also think I'm better than most. I base this assumption on ability and presentation. I think I am. Sometimes, I know I am.

But sometimes the cosmos come and gives you a good smack right inbetween the eyes! You hate it. I hate it. I detest it truly. I think that's all I've done wrong? But is it so great? Is it such a crime? What ill deed is fitting for krama to have me lose my PSP!

I lost it. My dear love of gaming. Final resolution from Final Fantasy Tactics...

Gone.

It might have been my own folly. Or it could have been taken from me. My bag pocket was open but I remember closing it as I always do. But then it might not be as I was too tired and falling asleep as I made my way home.

How can I lead my if I cannot even take care of my own belongings? At this juncture. I question the purpose of my being... This lost invokes question in my ability - Am I good enough?

So as of today. I gather myself. I am to do all I can to improve! Cos krama has blacklisted me. I am not worthy of pity. I must do all I can to be better and get things done right ya.

I will listen to the voice in my head. The one that tells me to do the right thing. I will refrain and get my act together.

From now till the day that my world comes to naught. I will try more than ever, e harder, smarter, stronger and wiser.

I must be worthy of myself. Of the life I have. The people who love me. I must!

Thanks for the ear, my friend and remember! The sky is bigger than the piece your eyes claim...

Justification

2008-07-19T23:18:00.002+08:00

hey.

Do you know what you're doing?
Yes?
Do you know what you're doing is right?
If it is... Is it enough? Really?
You think so?
Could it be even better?
Is it possible? Of course it is...
Anything is possible... Right???

I am not conflicted. I am self-inflicting... I think the army has helped me to realised that - I am weak! WEAK!

Over the past few months, I have been blindly following whatever leadership that came to be. Often the powers that be place weaker cadets as appointment holders to "rate their potential". However, the results are often predictably disastrous...

Why do they set us up to fail? WHY?

Perhaps they seek for us to unite and spur the great leaders within the troupe to take charge and gather us all together. BUT IT IS NOT HAPPENING...

Please pardon my agnst, for my friend, I am in dire need to vent!

I've learnt that there are so many people in the world that get me totally. AND I HAVE THEM AS FRIENDS! I'm a fortunate piece of trash! I now understand. The cilivity in camp is staggering low. Ppl fart and burp inconsequencially all day long in each other's faces... literally.

Perhaps i am a prude, but I just don't like it when you break wind in my face!

Tell them off you say?
Tell them to grow up?
What a wonderful idea!
Except...
It never works.

I tell them to grow up. To be civil. To know that it is rude and never appropriate. Their response...

"There are no girls what..."

Hypocrites! Self-riding pieces of shit! Grow the fuck up and open your eyes! Fill your well up and float the fuck out of your hole! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Pisses the shit out of me.

Where is the wit! The vast intellect! The grand impecable vibrance of a gentlemen's honour? WHERE IS THE HUMANITY!

Obviously my friend, not very apparent around me... Haha...

Because I have a right to be Emo...

2008-06-29T10:09:00.002+08:00

The sky burns a crimson red,
as smog floords the roads.
Death forms into a being
dressed in farmer' clothes.

A tall blding, towering high,
crashes down on the streets.
Such devastation to the realm of man,
with only a finger's click.

It dashes madly through the town
on history's biggest cull
For every man, woman or child who falls,
wider grows its smile.

The stench of fear soaks the air,
as crowds flee from their homes.
With backs as targets, it takes aim,
surely it'll fill its tombs.

Admist the bloodshed, comes a hero
with balls stronger than steel.
He grabs the hands of the reaper
and gives him one good deal.

"I'll give my life for all the thousands,
this one, you need not take!
Please! I beg you, no more deaths today.
Let me be the one heaven foresakes."

A shrill cry of evil laughter
fills our hero as he slowly dies
The devil taunts in one bout,
"You made me laugh till i cried."

- fueling my dying soul...

It's been a long time.

2008-05-17T22:37:00.001+08:00

Hi there,
it's been a long time since i've updated this space. If you're actually reading this... then well, you:

1. Have too much time
2. Are too bored
3. Are a very good friend
4. Are citing all three reasons as your own

EITHER way. I thank you.

Well. It's actually 4 more months till I commission as a 2nd Lieutentant of the Singapore Arm Forces. I'm pretty hyped up about it!

I'll be serving my nation for the months that come. BUT it's not so bad. Haha.

Oh oh OH!

I'm training to be an Artillery Officer - the guns that fire the REALLY big guns!

I'm happy that I know what's happening in arti class and I am competent in my skills. Hopefully, I will do well and be posted to the vocation of my choice. It's madness, but I wanna feel the rush.

It's been a long time since I was ignited with passion. With a crazy lust for life. I'm in a rut? Or am I?

Well whatever that comes will come. All I want now is to tell you that I am organizing my 21st big ass bash and...

YOU my reader am invited. When it will be, how it will be or where it will be has not been decided. The only thing that is in this moment, is that,

I want you there...

Thank you.

Too Emo

2008-03-15T08:29:00.002+08:00

Time fleets into oblivion,
slowly but surely, I age.
How much longer must I mask?
How long more will I be trapped on this loveless stage?

For you must walk this plane!
Every Fibre in my being yearns this to be true.
I would be destoryed,
Just knowing that I could not love you.

I envisage you in my dreams,
Oh your smooth supple skin.
The way you break into smile,
and all the whites you flash inbetween.

Ah! The ways I would romance you,
if only you were here.
I'd bring you where few have gone,
We'll go where there's no fear.

Picnics on rooftops,
under the flow of moonlight.
Dancing among confused,
without sense of sight.

We'll explore the cracks of our town
seeking out the forbidden joys it brings.
We'll swim naked admist thousands,
hurl abuse at concerts as the performer sings.

Oh the great feats we would do,
If only, just maybe you were here.
Cause right now, in this very moment,
I'd like to take you out for beer...

FInd Me.

Kill Me

2008-03-15T08:16:00.002+08:00

How can I love you,
if we've never met?
Why do I feel so much,
with each sun that sets?

How can you make me sad,
if you're not even here?
Why does my heart ache?
Why are you so dear?

The love I have for you,
is truly without compare.
It beams brighter than any light,
Any Shine, Any Glare...

How is it that I can feel
For a girl whom I've never seen?
How is it that one can love,
without a sense of being?

If right now,
I love you like I do,
What will happen,
come the day there's just us two?

Will I fall deeper,
pass the pits of tarturus?
Will my eyes gaze upon nothing,
but us?

And will you love me as I do you?
Will you do anything to see me smile?
Give up your source of income,
to stay in bed, with me, a little while?

Will you walk the shores of time,
to find me as your best memory?
Will you love me as I am?
In all my stark naked glory?

So many questions,
So many doubts.
I am a fool, Yes!
This my mates tout.

BUT! I think not.
I know they'll never get it.
Simply, because,
You are my only fit...

FInd Me

This Christmas I gave you my butt...

2007-12-24T08:34:00.000+08:00

It's 8.36am in the morning. I have not slept and I've been listening to music all night long and trying to pack my room. t's taking shape, but still it looks like hurrican katrina made a detour to my room and dump all the contents it picked up along the way.

I'VE GOT WAY TOO MUCH STUFF! Shitzah!!!

Changing topics, I've got my Posting and now I'm going to OCS (Officer Cadet School) and doing the things that I think i wanna do. I'm really keen on the army right now, cause i fell into the trap of block leave hahaha... SLACKING!

But i'm going to be reporting on the morn of boxing day. I can't wait to see SAFTI. I know it's weird, but I'm kinda excited now. Fucked up huh? How my mood swings so rapidly. I hope my buddy's awesome. But hey, if you can't pick em, just love them? AH HECK!

Christmas is here. I would like to say, I'm the most ungiving person. I have not given out a single christmas present and maybe i should be shot for it... but yeah...

So i'm here telling all you people that I will be away for a bit, cause they will confine us to the camp for a while and so I will not be electronically available, except through phone. Well that is if the phone doesn't die on me. Ha!

Pearle Chan, please make your way to singapore quick. I want to club with you. To all you muthafuckers and crazyshits,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Ho Fo MO!

Block Leave

2007-12-20T10:53:00.000+08:00

I don't wanna go back to the army. AWOL! AWOL!

Yes. I am quite comfortable just lying at home. I'm already losing my pecs in just this week. Hahah. Which really isn't good.

It's raining everyday and so swimming's out of the picture. I recently tried rock climbing and that was fun. Hard and all. I always thought it was a game of strength, but there's so much technique and skill involved. In awe babies, in fucking awe...

I've just been going out and catching up with friends so mostly I've just been eating and watching movies.

EVERYONE! Go watch Good Luck Chuck! It isn't the best movie, but it's a good movie. Feel good bellow my balls movie. Which is good thing... in my book. Hahaha.

So yes. It's awesome. Now i'm going to upload my army pictures. Hahah. Sweet!

13 More days to POP!

2007-12-01T20:00:00.000+08:00

You know, i told myself that I wouldn't countdown the days. BUT I AM! Hahahaha... I'm going to fucking POP!

Well anyways. This post is interesting. Cause I was suppose to go for my SIT TEST. Which is this test that they administer to sieve out people with commander ability. So yeah.

And I was chosen to be the person that gets to be caservaced. Which means, the casualty that has to be evacuated immediately, as I was the biggest of the bunch. And i must say that it is damn shocking to find out that you need - EIGHT FUCKING PEOPLE TO LIFT YOU!

I am a fat boy. DAMNIT!

The last 3 weeks of army.

2007-11-17T17:48:00.000+08:00

I am confident. And getting damn cocky. I like the person i've become, but it pisses people off. Most are people that I don't care about. But still... It's really no excuse to be such a shitbreak.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just slack back and well, glide thru army. But I know in those torrid moments of "Takan" I can't. Simple because - I am better than that.

Feeling a little under the weather which is not good. Cause I need to be super on the ball come tomorrow. So I'm struggling between, making myself happy but weak or contented, a little disappointed, but happy? I do not know. Well actually, I know what the right choice is. I just don't want to make it. ARH! Life's such a bitch. Fuck those damn cakes!

So I really have just 3 hurdles to break through before I can pass out for BMT doing the thing I wanna do. Which well is to go to OCS.
They are:
1. Individual Physical Proficiency Test
2. Situational I(Something) Test
3. Grenade Throwing

After those 3, I should be good to go. EH? Well that is of course I satisfy the base conditions of:
1. Not dying
2. Not getting injured
3. Not pissing anyone off
4. I get good marks for everything
5. Did I say don't die?

OH OH! I forgot about Standard Obstacle Course (SOC) It's not a condition of passing BMT. But it's shit important in command school, the later part of my army life.

Well for those that are not in the army. I just want you to know that I am well. Doing ok... Hopefully, good enough and I am trying my very best.

The days grow longer as I await my Passing Out Parade (POP). I hope with great earnesty that I have a good 2 years. And I will strive for it - not because I want glory or bragging rights, but for myself to know that I am of considerable standard.

I need this (Army life) to transgress my lifestyle into something more. Something great. Greater than before.

Like what my Officer Commander, Biggest Kahuna in the company, said, Everyday Stronger, Better, Faster.

It makes sense. But I chose to live by my motto - Experience everything you can, cause you live life only once.

Well through experience you grow to become a better person. And I do it's true. So it be that I want by my deathbed, to know that I have done all I can in this life to break one last white (most probably stained yellow) curve.

Sick I know. But thinking about death, makes me feel alive. Motivated to live better than before. Hahahahahaha... My mother bore a child to live great. Not to squander his youth to ragnarok. Haha..

Army Daze Cha Cha Cha!

2007-09-29T21:11:00.000+08:00

I have booked out from my first two weeks of confinement in the army. I feel rather relaxed and pleased with myself.

I'm getting along fine. It's very easy getting along with guys who's main agenda is sex and girls. I would like to tell you that that's not all we ever talk about - but unfortunately it is.

I do not really see the need to be discussing my private life in such an open context with such intricate detail. Perhaps there lies my shred of asian values. I'm just not good with recounting my experience for my esteem needs. I already have a god complex.

Army is fun actually. I am in the Physical Training Phase (PTP). It's for all the people who did not pass or take their napfa. So well, we're all unfit fuckers dying under the strain of pure physical torture. All the push ups, burpees, sit-up, crunches, etc etc etc... is some times too much to bear. In the past two weeks, there are moments in which i find myself without any strength left to do a single push up. I LOVE THE ARMY!

The people in my bunk are simple people, with the most basic of desires. I do not disagree with most of their opinions, but sometimes I do. I do not share their view of the world nor do I share their constant position in the spotlight. I am a quiet child searching for his outlet for expression.

I'm grasping well with the concepts of army, whether it be the technique involved when doing each of the physical activity, the various drills we have to perform or the various crafts that we need to master. I would say I'm fairing well. I have not been repremainded as yet, and I don't plan to ever be.

I have a secret ambition of going to Officer Cadet School (OCS), but I will not make my intentions known until I am really perfect. Which I will be after my PTP period when we head straight into Basic Military Training (BMT). Yes. I know I'm crazy and a coward for not showing my true colours, but I need to scope the grounds first and then play my game. Isn't this life eh?

Some times I would pen down thoughts that I have or just pop into my head in my little notebook. They are as follows:

18:33
190907

Breathe in the air that you have now, for you never know what comes tomorrow. In hard strokes, may the wind of the present rush through your lungs. Let it fill you up with the strength and might that you need to press on to tomorrow. What you have today is here, cherish it, for there might not come a tomorrow - and you know it.

19:29
190907

In life, no one is born a loser. Each being that walks this earth has an equal and opportune moment for regonigtion. Do you know yours? Focus your attention and hone your strength till it is one resounding might. It is then in those moments they will seem as clear as day light. If you don't understand, ask. If you screw up, learn from it and move on. There is no sucess in the mistakes of the past - What more worry for the future.

19:35
190907

Men, no boys. The youth of singapore. The male youth of singaporegrace the shores of Tekong with their impervious smiles and their complacent swaggers. For this be their defence in our homeland, singapore. They use it as shields to guard against all esteem fears and that was all they needed. However, have it be in the land of the SAF, the first institution of army training that they step into, their defences mean nothing. They break us down to who we are - primal horny neanderthals.! God Bless The Green Man.

I even wrote a song. Well at least the lyrics of the song. hahaha...

Heres a picture of my with my new hair. and what I used to look like. All I can say is CHEEBYE!

and this is how i looked before. In case you've forgotten.

Yesterday was my holiday

2007-08-28T01:01:00.000+08:00

So it's been more than a month since, my long holiday in New Zealand.

And I think I've grown. A lot. I'm still weary of confrontation, but I no longer fear it. I am still a pussy, but now a little more reckless.

I now know how to take care of myself when striving for my goals. I am inspired by things of the past because they are now new to me.

I love New Zealand. But this post isn't about the time I spent there and the WONDEROUS saugages I ate... But more because monday was a holiday...

I always thought that in singapore, it's fast paced and there is no retreat. The constant pursuit sends us forward in our march for success. Well at least it is for me. So this monday, yesterday, I had one off day in a long time...

I was laid out on the sundeck. torso plugged to the deck chair with my back turning a nice shade of brown in the midday sun... relaxing to the sounds of Sarah Mclachlan, PlainWhiteT's and Coldplay... eyes closed and my deshevelled hair running down my face. In an utter state calm. So at 4.36pm on a monday afternoon, i relived a feeling I had in NZ. I had no desire to move from that wonderous spot. No desire at all...

And it felt good. Find your sun deck ppl. Life's pursuit is only great, if you have time to find the calm in your life.

Well at least for me.

Good Tuesday to you...

www.waterfestsingapore.com

2007-08-18T02:16:00.000+08:00

Just go already...

This day we FIGHT!

2007-08-15T00:07:00.001+08:00

PEOPLE!

There is no time. I would just like to say that I have a wonderous story to tell you people. But I've already told it so many times cos i was so amazed that it would happen that i have lost the essence of it...

And so if I retold it once more, it would not be in respect to the grandure it was crafted in...

It is simply about a boy who got high and kept drinking and drinking and got driven around in the wake of the dead night, shouting claims of youth and vigour, checking into a hotel with random strangers and a friend...

Roused in the morning by a stranger who I had been messing with in my alcohol induced high state of being, only to find out his name, 14 hours later... Yes I party hard....

And from THIS... I know that because I do party hard, I work fucking hard too... Cos the day I set foot in the office, there is life and vigour and concentration in me focused into a resounding might - strength beyond strength...

SO my dears... Go out! Have FUN! Smash your bodies to smithereens in the ways you know best! Because the world sucks you dry! They want you to age and die...

SO HOLD ON! To the most precious thing you have now!

YOUTH!

No one can ever take that away from you. Your skin may be slashed, you eyes may be gouged, your heart ripped out of your very body! BUT They CANNOT take away the fact that you have YOUTH!

Realise your chance to party. Cos when you turn into an adult - a full grown adult with heavier, life responsibilities. You can never do the same.

my friends.... My dear dear friends... there is noooooooooooo time... Do what you wish! sure there comes consequence, but really? At this time, does it really matter?

Words of a deranged youth hellbent on conviction of the individual - wisdom or folly?

My life can never be the same anymore.

2007-07-10T15:49:00.000+08:00

Ok. You may think I'm crazy. Hey I think I'M crazy...

But I am in love again. With life if I may be so bold. For a long time I thought I was in a rut and that I was not going anywhere and that I was doing was only going to result it me living a life of monotony, desk job 9 - 6.30 spiralling into the depths of normalacy.

But now that I'm in New Zealand doing all the things that a year ago would only be a distant dream, I think about my life and I feel yeah it's pretty good. I love my part-time job, although it's a transitional phase in my life, a stepping stone to a higher rock in this fucking landslide we call life. It still rocks. Yes I am so punny.

I am now sitting in a nice chair, in a hostel, in omaru, in the south island of new zealand, with my fingers freezing in the winter cold even though there's a warmer, high on a some herbal thing which btw ROCKS MY WORLD, in the company of my 2 new friends - Gim and Taka.

I know them only for 2 weeks odd. But it feels as though we already have history, a past and a crazy future. I know now I'm just emo reminiscing, bu hey, allow me the pleasure.

My trip is coming to an end. It is tuesday now and well I leave this pristine land on sat. I'm not counting the days, just enjoying the moments that come. I think i am truly sad that Taka is leaving tomorrow and I will most probably never again see him in my Life. Ha. So gay I know.

And Gim, though singaporean, our fates are not destined to meet, well not likely I think. So there. I have one last day with my 2 new friends. And I will eat my dinner and smile and lose all sense of sarcasm and the ever ready will to mock and cherish the moments that pass. Yes i will.

Sometimes when the four of us is travelling in the car and there are moments (Long stretches sometimes) of silence, I can't help but allow my mind to wander. And in my daily trails of thoughts, I feel no regret or remorse nor hate to anything that I recollect.

And I must tell you, that is a wonderful feeling.

Men are truly who they are when they know that no one is watching. (I was a sign in one of the backpackers hostels) So my friends. I say, think that no one is watching and ignore the weary stares and hurtful mummers, becasue when you think back, I would love to remember the careless sideway grins and hearty explosions of laughter...

I sound like I'm going to die. Ha.

I've been doing a lot of thinking. And I think. well...... I love life.

From this trip I have learnt many things. So many loves I have gained. So much insight in the world that is. So little of the planet I have seen and so little of life I have lived.

At age 20 I feel pressured to do more than I can to exceed expectations and be great. But in this moment when I'm typing this post, I feel empowered and I feel that I could do anything, with a steady head on my shoulders and a smile to call my own I say!

The world is a beautiful place.

I haven taken granted the many comforts of my life and I now I can say perhaps that I understand them a little more, their origins and how they are.

Perhaps when I return to good old SG, I will be different. No longer the Kegan of Old. Perhaps that will be. OR! it could be that all of this will be lost on my and back into that downward spiral i will go.

I dunno... And that just excits me. Let not obsurity bring fear, for in it there is an adventure awaiting to unfold.

In these short 2 weeks,

I have climbed a fucking mountain that is 2km plus above sea level. I have gone so far up that snow that snow doesn't fall and all that you see is cast in ice. And back down I came, with the full height of my conquest now starring back menancingly from the base. With a slip, I could not be the person I want to be.

I qiuvered I admit. I am not hero. It was some major scary shit. But with each step I took down the icy slopes of the tongario crossing, I became drunk on excitment that I could be able to descend faster without falling. Do not call me a careless fool with no intention of carrying on with life. For I was not that. But really, I was an adventurer in those moments, plusing through the prospect of danger. So with each feet coming in front of the other, I grew stronger, braver, taller...

For all of life seemed so small in those instances... When really all your life depended on was footing and a leveled head... Call me retarded or what have you. Sua gu or even a turtle who's sky was the opening of a well, but it has changed me.

So from this day forth. I will love life even more. I will know truly, that it doesn't really matter..

Ironic as it may be, for all my intellectual ramblings and wanders in the deeps of thought, I find my answers in the most of primal desires.

To live. Is Great.
Do not ever let anyone put you down, cause really we are greater than who we are...

I am now a very copetent dishwasher. Haha. I went caving in a glomworm cave. The pretty shiny greens and yellows you see at the top of the caves we seem so enthralled by are but the excretions of flys. An attraction spawned from the tunneling of a stream and nature's bliss and the pure amazement of curious tourist. I was cold as is everything here.

Think of a freezer. I am in this magical freezer of adventure. It hits minus 4 degrees in the night where I am now. Needless to say, I am very thankful for think duves (Blankets, the terms aren't really the same eh. Ha.)

I have been sea kayaking. Yup, salt water loses it's healing properties when your sore keeps growing with each row. It was amazing. The culture of the maori people, the explorers of the times that have passed, the tremedous ache in my shoulders and horizon that stands on the end of the world. We are but small fragments of a great world. It is most humbling to be in a kayak staring into what seems like a never ending stretch of sea and sky. I was lost... Because I was looking straight into the pacific ocean and there was no end to it.

There is my outlook on life. The pathway to infinity. Yes my friends, I am crazy and now I am also happy. Oh so happy.

Btw. Seals suck. Well sea lions rather. They lie around and do nothing in the winter. So just a tip, if you wanna get them humping, go in the summer! Ha. I realised that I am not the person that I want to be yet... and possibly that dream Kegan will always be an unattainable dream, but it is the pursuit of perfection that sends me spinning in delirious glee. 3 other people have finished using the computer beside me and still I am typing this post.

There is so much so say. I too realised that I am loved, more than I realised. For when i go souvenior shopping, I have more friends than money and that makes me smile. I am living a dream.... I must say to that I have lost all resolution to hug a sheep.

They are stinky basturds. It has also dawn upon me that they are possibly the best creatures to abuse - verbally of course. "Sheep shouting" the term I have coined, is a most theraputic of all experiences. You release all inhibitions and roar. I salute you wooly fuckers for taking my abuse!

For all the "RUN!" and the "AHHHHHHHH!" and also the ever crazy ROARS that resemble no known language on earth, the fuckers can only return with sheepish druggie faces. Ugliest most delicious fuckers in the world.

For all the pee I have passed in mountains, snow, sideroads, dormertries and the vast green of the sea, I say there is probably no better relief than pee... And with much conviction I cement this statement.

Oh how I will miss Taka's prolong silences that he breaks with child-like jousts at the most divine of moments, never failing to make my smile widen above and beyond the span of my teeth. Oh how i will miss Gim and her wide array of abilities that are lost to all singaporean women. The strength an vigour in that girl puts most men (me included) to great shame.

To Taka and Gim and the people that I have spoke with smiled and share laughs in passing, I devote this post.

And now I scurry over to the dinner table, for my 3 fellow adventures now hurry me to have -
one last dinner.

5.05am

2007-06-15T05:05:00.000+08:00

Do not hold onto your inhibitions.
Let not fear govern your soul.
Relinquish all that be dear to you.
Submit yourself to the blizzard cold.

For there is no running
from which you cannot hide.
His rule is almighty.
By Law, you must abide.

Revolution is for fools
the order must be kept
"No more shootings please!"
Oh the mothers wept

One by one, child or man
they were not to be spared
As long as they grew to wear pants
Their heads were to be had

The piles grew into mountains
the stench soaked the air
vanishing was the race of men
little was left to bare.

Soon, there stood one last boy
with no where to escape.
He raised his fist and shouted,
Cheebye fucking FATE!

Exercise Blog my ass

2007-05-20T23:33:00.000+08:00

Ok!

I have been exercising. But erm.

I haven been blogging. Last week's been a bit crazy..

The marketing is going up a notch. Sports Council is starting to go crazy. It's going to the point where I'm not catching up. I have one intern to help me out and she's pretty good.

Haha.. I'm quite psyched so yeah...

I run on mondays and thursday. But on thursday I couldn't go the full 10km, cos I played soccer during lunch time. I dun think I can go crazy and I feel like I have no more life in me.

This feeling sucks man. For life, I dwell into the pits of clubbing. WHICH IM GOING ON WED!

So yes. Let it all out and leave nothing on the bench. For life, love and excitment. Lol. Glorifying dry humping... One of my better skills.

2007-05-10T22:37:00.000+08:00

Today I:
Feel: The aches in my arms and chest
Worked out: 35 mins of pure running for 9.5odd km.
have a gut Gut that is: possibly getting smaller with each passing breath
2.4km timing: Unknown, however if you do the math from my accomplishment today, you'll get
8mins 48 secs. Which is quite sick if you ask me.
Motivation: Pretty high in the sky BABEI!

I think the timing was good. But it is just a rough guage with many varibles. So until I can get a more solid timing, I still suck and am fat.

Perhaps, I'm not enjoying this as much as a GIRL was pacing me. Hahaha...

Yes, to confirm your fears, I was running with a very fast girl. Hahaha...

BOO YA BABEI!

My life up till now is mediocre

2007-05-09T21:47:00.000+08:00

Let me lay it down.

I am 20.
I have a decent resume.
I have a sucky GPA (so ashamed a I wun list it)
I have enrolled into a Uni that wants my money more than the honour of imparting knowledge to their students.
My own accounts are no where near 10 thousandaire.
and my resolve to do well for myself has waned to mere whispers as opposed to the thunderous roar it used to be.

I am a loser by my count.

HOWEVER! I have decided that I will not allow myself to dwell in this disastrous rut. It is FUCKING TIME that I fucked myself up!

I want to do certain things before I go into the army:

1. Go to New Zealand for vacation end June.
2. Get buffed before New Zealand.
3. Get a gold for my Napfa test.
4. Learn to exercise on my own.
5. Attain self discipline.

These are just some short term goals I have in place. I read that the best motivation technique is to publish how much you've done, so that with each log, you'll spur yourself on to do better.

So yes. I will do this! Seeing as how fitness is my primary goal, I will entertain my audience of varied / unknown / non-existing preportions of my progress for fitness. I would include my weight, but if I'm well built, it'l just increase. So it's not a good guage of fitness right?

Today I:
Feel: Fat
Worked out: Gym 45 mins
have a gut Gut that is: Still round
2.4km timing: Unknown, possibly in the range of sloth.
Motivation: So - so.

Fuck ruts man.

Zouk Sweet 16

2007-04-20T02:32:00.000+08:00

I just won an invite to Zouk's Sweet 16 aniversary party. and im quite happy! What you're suppose to do is log on to zouk club and post a reply in the forum about how much you love zouk.

And of course I was pretty bored at work. So during one of my unofficial breaks, I went to post a reply and what do u know??? I got an invite. And I've been thinkning of skipping but the thing is! I have to go cos i have a 1 in 16 chance to WIN A SUBARU CAR!!!!

I dun really know what model it is cos
1. I cant drive
2. I'm not a car fan. more taxi if u know what i mean.

To tink I might be able to win a car. Anyways... I've worked hard for it ok. I spent a whole 4 mins to think of this crap! LOL! Behold my englisrsh powaraess!
___________________________________________________________________
I still remember it like a lucid dream, my best night at zouk! My first night at zouk...

We walked in a little over 10pm to an ocean of energitic, jiving party-goers! My 6 new friends and I make our way through the sea of madness over to the bar, where we got drinks from a swanky barman who smiled mostly because he couldn't hear what the orders that were been shouted to him! HA! High and definately tipsy, we grooved our way to the dance floor and blasted our whackiness into high gear! Song after song, we were hooked on Flava! The jamming music and smooth hits got us reeved up and going nuts! You could feel the energy flux in the hall of Phuture. When a slow beat came, the crowd died down to just mere swaying whispers, but when FLAVA came back on! EXPLOSIONS of dances of all sorts broke out!

The thrill of flava never left my viens, even when I rested in my bed that night. My 1st & best at Zouk!!! Hey, Pearle, Shu Pin, Sophie, Priscilla, Ryan! My friends till now, cause of Zouk!
___________________________________________________________________

Lol... It's decent... But read the other replies! ahaha.. quite funny...

http://www.zoukclub.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=117&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=15

Yes my dear friends. The selection process isn't really that hard to make out! Ha!

School's out and Work's in

2007-04-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

YO YO YO!

School's out and now im working! Sports Council has offered me a job and I took it. Now im back there and doing fine. Marketing and all.

I get paid a decent rate and am quite happy! There are a LOT of new ppl at SSC and it's just not the same. but im using this time to shape up for Napfa! which i HAVE NOT TAKEN!!!!

Do u know they wun let u graduate if u dun pay ur fines. I've got a one dollar library fine... DUDE! U MAKE ME PAY 20 FUCKING BUCKS for some dress to wear for my "ceremony!" and u cant make 1 dollar go AWAY!!! CHEEBYE SCHOOL!

I recieved my graduation PACKAGE today! It was not a nice thing. I felt it was more of a buy more than anything else. U have to pay for:
1. THE FUCKING DRESS - graduation gown. FUCKING GOWN! -20plus bucks to rent! 40plus to buy!
2. FUCKING FOTOS! if u want them la! PIRATES!!! FUCKING CHEEBYE PIRATES!!

The school is totally trying to rip us OFF TP STUDENTS!!!!

FUCKING HELL!!!! but actually i wanna buy the gown! HAHAHAHAhaHHHahAhaah!!!!

I dunno. I just wanna wear a dress man! I wonder if I'll be hot?? hHMMMmmMMM... sundresses... Droollllss... But whatever!!! Right now I need to go back to the library and pay my fucking ONE DOLLAR FINE!

Fuck...

Fat boy loves his cake

2007-03-16T12:27:00.000+08:00

My birthday has passed. And I'm assuming all my friends dun read my blog, or that they just dun wanna get my the gifts on the list! Either way it's just sad. But im quite happy... COS with no party or like er... declaration other than that list, I got a couple of presents..

1. Mother dearest --> a box of MERCI (How i love her)
2. Dawn, Dannie & Shawn --> 2 cakes from Cidele (Ok that nice cake shop, dun really know how to spell)
3. Julius & Helmi --> Half a bottle of Vodka Raspberry. (I love you, I love you, I love you. It would have been good if there was no Raspberry! BUT it's free booze. I wun complain)
4. Damian --> Subway, Italian BMT (dinner treat, gesture not grandere is appreciated)
5. Dawn --> a call from BEATRICE CHIA (that hot mama wished me happy birthday cos dawn convinced her to. WOOT!)
6. Lucas (youngest brother) --> 2 PS games. (LOL! He even asked me what i wanted)
7. Nicholas (yongER brother) --> leftover skittles that was frozen in the freezer from god knows when. ( well at least it's something... Haha...)

Note that all the above presents are all edible. Except for the games, which my brother bought so he could play too...

OH! and on the midnight of the 14 of March... tampines was shrounded in mist. I swear... I was so happy... I tot some mythical figure was going to grant me special powers... but yeah.. it was just a cool deal for my birthday... hahaha... Very nice weather i'd say... haha..

Oh and I got a couple of hongbaos from aunts and uncles so that was cool... haha...

What conclusion can I make? I am now 20 and getting fatter with each passing birthday... hah... thanks you guys...

Happy Birthday to Me...

2007-03-14T19:30:00.000+08:00

It's 1930 and I'm late for my dinner appointment.

Somehow turning 20 ain't fantastic. I've spent the day lamenting over my past and what not as I usually do on birthdays. And I find myself no where...

For where has my spirit fled and where have my eyes fallen to? For what have I, now that it is done? Now that judgement has been passed, where am I?

Well a simple answer to that is... I'm still late for my appointment and my friend is calling me now... shit...

My Birthday Wish List

2007-03-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

Hello you there! My birthday is coming up. I'm hitting 20! WOW!

So anyways, I have a few things that I want. Pls get them for me if you can:

1. luscious lips on my cock.... LOL!
2. an open viagina that's always wet and hot... LOL!
3. an endless supply of lube!
4. a bigger bed!
5. a deaf, dumb, mute hot girl! So she cant scream, run away or hide when I rape her. LOL!!!!

Ok ok enough shit... those are just fantasies that wun come true... but sld u really know someone matching number 5! Call me and send me to heaven... lol... Here's the real list:

1. a psp value pack - 235 moolas from far east
2. a 8gb memory card - price TBR (product not out on the market yet)
3. a laptop cleaner - 20 to 30 moolas
4. a Men's Health subscription - about 60 d0llars
5. a Newman's subscription - about 60ish dollars
6. a paid stripper - er 300? buy a good grade one ok?
7. an Ikea shopping spree
8. a night I wun ever forget
9. a handmade gift of lurve
10. tickets to 251:life of annabel chong
11. a shopping spree
12. a lifeguard t-shirt
13. any t-shirt that llos cool but you can only get if you join it, example lifeguard, sniper, etc...
14. to get hired on desperate housewives as the new garderner for EVA!!! DUN CRY FOR ME EVA!!!!
15. for that fucking girlfriend to be to pop out of heaven quickly... ARH!!!

Deadline... LOL! 14 March...

THE END IS HERE!

2007-02-16T21:49:00.000+08:00

Everytime finality hits, I feel sadden, and remorseful. I can't quite explain it. Even when I try my best to be bigger and better than who I am.

At the end of the day, I still could be better. I acknowledge this. I understand this. But still I can't. Perhaps the perpeptual optimist is actually just a sappy defeatist?

Arh? I dunno... But My friends and stalkers? (Pls tag so I know that you're reading) This post is of gratitude.

In the short 3 years that my poly education has spanned, I have grown so much... To really be who I want to be. I'm not really there yet and I need to be soon. But for now, here is really great. So i must thank many people. Single out a few and spread my love to the rest.

I shall start with non-cmmers.

Thank you to:

BRIAN - Thank you so much for your camera. Though ancient and dusty the tape head maybe, it has truly saved my ass so many times this semester. Thank you also for your occasional random gay messages. Those as erm... insidious as they were, they were quite comforting to know that someone wants to fuck me. Or fuck along me.... Hmmmm... anyhows... thanks so much.

LYNETTE NG - you are pivotal in me surviving this semester. Not only have I learnt what a lousy friend I am to you, and also what a great one you are to me. I have spoken but lil to you in so long and yet, you are willing to help me till the wee hours of the night. I truly am greatful and sld you ever require a Chocolate Panda top-up, call me your snack machine! I owe you more than just those titles. Thank you so much! I am an ass but I'm trying to be better.

RUSSELL - thank you for trying to help me get a camera and all and doing stuff for me on my random basis. I truly appreciate it.

SHU PIN & ZHI - if you guys didn't help us out with the interviews, I fear my A grade would be damaged by quite a bit. Your compelling responses really did wonders for our research video. Of which I still owe u a copy and will send to u soon. Shu pin thanks so much for spending some time to aid me. And to you Tze or Zhi. Most helpful you were! Thanks to ye both!

IVOR KOO - you bastard. Thanks for your input into the research video and also for helping out with the camera stand and what not. I swear if you had tits and an ass to kill (well female) i'd be hitting on you silly. Even more than Sophie I dare say... LOL! Thanks man. Owe u a gazillion! Truly...

XENA! - thank you for rushing out that chinese translation! I owe you big on my lack of understanding of my own mother tongue. It is well beyond my abilities. Sad to say we didn't use it in the end. Sad. I apologise for asking that which I cannot deliver. So hence, I proclaim my unwaivering service to u. Whatever you need, day or night, ask of me and it is yours. =) thanks. and you are possibly the only lame person I like. Well Lame girl... at least.... haha...

AMY MY DEAR COUSIN - I owe you so much since I've joined this course of study. I seriously will be in debt to you for a long time. So for the sake of meaning, let's forget it in a grand meal ya? Hahahaha... Can we say Mcdonalds? JUST JOKING!!!! Hahahahaha.... I will find a way...

__________________________________________________________________

Now for the CMMERS:

DAWN - For the numerous occasions my ass has been saved by you. You truly are my SuperHero. The Fucking Digitising. The Fucking Cameras, and all the fucking things inbetwen that you've aided me in. I am in utter disbelief that I have not yet moulded a statue in your like. Thanks. My ass and life (possibly) are yours to have.

PEIHUI - good lord of heaven. You've chalked up the most points for camera!!! Hahahah... We do apologise for always going to you. But we do this only because you never let us down. Thank you. Again, should you need anything, just lemme know. Your efforts and subtle manupliation of the school system has really helped us so much. For that we thank you so.

TIFFANY - thank you to you too! For your camera, though short those 50 mins of battery were, they were no less essential to our project. Thank you thank you thank you.

EDWIN - thank you my man for always keeping us in the loop about announcements and all regarding class. We all appreciate your services. And sld you need any servicing. ;) LOL!!!!

BELINDA & JOANNA - I dun talk to you guys much, but when push comes to shove, you guys still take the time to make some space in your path for greatness to accomodate us. And I thank you for that. It speaks depth about people, should they render kindness to you when they themselves are short of hope. Thank you.

SARA - you have not only been an invaluable friend and confidante, but you have helped me to see my short comings and also keep showing me your work so in critisizing it I may better my own. And also giving me your research when you have recieved nothing from me. Thank you my dear friend. I am now the one in the debt of TEH pings to you. Simpang on me, saya ta kacup melayu. But saya know a true abang? when I see satu??? hhahahaha...

DHUHA - your gay v-neck shirt really perked me up. I know it's lame, but I really appreciate the gesture. =)

SARAH - you bring joy to the room when you step in and this semester, I saw that even in times of spite you are still bouncy. How you can hone your resolution and tact into a mighty strength amazes me. Optimism that is true is a rare gift. It does great things to those around them. Ha! Thanks my fair chio bu.

MY PROJECT GROUP - Im doing this as a whole group cos going individually will have me penning a much longer entry than I'd hope to. You guys have taught me the furthest points of perserverence and given me hope when I have none. I am harsh and when I ponder about my misgivings I see how it might have been off. And I do apologise. I could have been a better man by not lacing my emails with a horrific amount of vulgarities and every sentence spawned from the pits of sarcasm.

I could have been. But I was not. I apologise greatly for the harshness that I've dealt. And in my only defence, at that point in time, you all deserved it. But for me to prolong it and feed it with anger - that was my mistake. And for that and only that, I apologise...

As you all know, words are my power and in this strength I present to you, me. I will not be able to say this to you without blushing or going into an epilectic feat so I turn to the solace that a letter prescribes. Aye, I am but a wuss.

You have thought me to understand people and apply diplomacy whenever possible and feelings are very important. In the short and long of the story, I thank you for doing all you could. Cos at the end of the day, even if the best is a little short. The effort made will seek the final push.

I do not seek your forgiveness, but I do seek your understanding. It was as it was. I cannot change that. But I will say that you all have thought me much. I can now endure so much more TEHING.... Thank you. In true li ang fashion... -smiles =)

There are more. and the list grows. However this journey of recollection has lead my brain to convoulse and now it's deciding to ache. I bid you farewell for the time being while i rest my shit container and prepare for my Napfa test tml.

Need a gold for this one. Need it bad man... Hahaha...

3 MORE DAYS!!!!

2007-02-14T00:23:00.000+08:00

Today is the wednesday of the last week of school. I would like to tell you that I am emotionally attached to the school and that i'll miss the benches that I rested my ass on and the vending machines I made love to to get a nice cold beverage. No... I'm sorry....

I will not miss a single brick in that establishment! I say GOOD GOLLY MY ASSHOLE! Good bye my poly! FAREWELL!

Of cos I'm not a cold hearted asswipe. I do love certain moments. Like erm... NOT GOING TO LECTURES!!! WMAUahAHAHaHAHA... But yeah... Ok I like AES SUITES OK! They are my favourite place in the world. Er AES stand for Audio Editing Suites.

It's this place where we do our radio produciton. It's pretty cool. I love it cos i just like to listen to my voice over and over and over again. Yeah im a self absorb basturd. BUT! A very sexy sounding one at that... hahahaha... ANd it's really a happy place I say. My few most memorable moments I had were in there. With a few special ppl. Hahaha.. Making dumb noises and transforming them to A grade work. Not easy at all... It fact it pains me to sit through the whole process.

But it's all worth the fun! hahahaha...

SHIT now i miss it.... crap.... BUT okk Let's not stroll down memory lane... I tear too easy... ANYWAYS! I just want to say this is my last week of poly! Of lectures of tutorials and of FUCKING CMMERS!!!

CMMERS are possibly THE MOST special ppl in the whole WORLD. Each special in their own way. I've met MANUPLIATIVE BITCHES, DOWNRIGHT ASSHOLIC ASSHOLES, DEEPSHITHEADS WHO DUNNO HOW MUCH SHIT THERE IS IN THEIR HEADS!, and beautiful trusting friends.... LOL!!! Drama sia...

But what i will miss is the ppl that I know and that I have never had the chance to get to know you cos of the different circles we run in.

I would like to have known many special ppl better cos they would most probably fit the bill of trustworthy friends for me... It's sad. But hey! You cant have your cake and eat it! Unless you're rich and can hire a baker... den that's a different story.

BUT IM A POOR SOD! so yes... that's not my story to tell... hahahaha... HAVE I SAID there's just 3 MORE FUCKING DAYS!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Rejoice MUTHAFUCKERS! I feel like it's chirstmas TEN TIMES OVER!!!! FUCK YOU BABIES!!!!!!

WA LAO LEH!!!! IM GETTING MY DIPLOMA! DIPLOMA IN COMMUNICATIONS AND MEDIA MANAGEMENT, marketing stream. CHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUCKING BBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

I like that sound of that!

I am in the greatest pain

2007-02-08T22:56:00.000+08:00

Note to ALL READERS. All er SEVEN of u... This is a RANT OF VENTING!

I HATE MY PROJECT GROUP! I'd like to tell you why and explain in explicite intricate detail. Really i do, but now im busy doing the P&C project. Yup! You got that right.

WOW!

Excuse me while I slave away. WOOT!

Kegan is alive again

2007-02-07T06:21:00.000+08:00

Recently, I've been feeling down and really sore about shit.

And now. Kegan is here again! CRAZY and going to conquer the world!

FUCK GIRLFRIENDS! Who needs them when you've got erm... a pillow?? LOL! Pure mornings are really smth... Go have a big breakfast at 3 am. It's an exprience i tell ya...

WHO KNEW NEW ZEALAND IS 10 HOURS AWAY FROM SG!!!!

Countdown to the end

2007-02-07T02:04:00.000+08:00

The semester is ending, as is poly.

Just two more weeks to the end of school. The end of my poly education. The end of my life as a student of TP! My heart pains for i will miss my friends. However we can still stay in touch. Call me for clubbing ya!

But today, i pose to you my lovelies... What is valentine's day to you? This very commercialised holiday?

For me it's a day to tell my friends i love them and to think think about how grand it would be to finally find the one.. .OK OK FANTASIZE!!! Geezz...

I need a goddamn valentine. LOL!

Proclaimation of the Poly

2007-02-04T01:52:00.000+08:00

You must understand that I came from a sorta chenna secondary neighbourhood school. From den till the end i always saw myself as different and constantly was found to be out of place.

I would make english jokes with the english teacher and only the 2 of us would be laughing in a class of 42. Hence, I was known to be some kinda erm other thing? I did ok in studies so that was good.

ANYWAYS! Because of that I did not find ANY of the girls in secondary school attractive. Only one. But she wasn't what I envisioned her to be so major boo boo there... Yearsh... SO I did smth really amazing.

I said now i'll study and in Mass Comm i would find a girlfriend. Like really a girlfriend. Well ladies and gentlemen, my POLY is ending in 2 weeks. Next week is flooded with presentations and the last week i foresee myself bumming at home getting ready for the exams... HOW! Still no girlfriend. My friend's lesbian friend uses my state as a marker for her to rejoice. FUCK U JAC! bitch.....

So yeah... Nvm... I would like to say that I'll find a gf in the army. But er... let's not talk about that at all ya. So den UNI??? WTH! Who am I going to make out with on my army weekends? DAMNIT!!!!

Oh well, I guess I'll have to turn to weekend gfs... I lead such a sad and unfulling life. WHERE OH WHERE MO CHERI! WHERE ARE VOUS!!!!!

Gay or no Gay?I

2007-01-27T03:13:00.000+08:00

I am not gay. But majority of my friends think i am...

Is being liberal as a person an indication of a slanted sexual orientation? I for one do not believe this to be true. So i am more sensative then your average joe. And i do cry at fucking disney original films... but that doesn't mean that i like guys...

This is not a post that defines my sexual orientation. Cos i say, pussy and tits are so doing it for me... Yes sir reee...

I am however curious as to what gay vibe im giving off as gay ppl have constantly hit on me... I mean im ok... rather ok looking, but for gay ppl to hit on me openly, there must be some kind of gay vibe im admitting... well at least that is my conclusion...

So in an attempt to study and analyse my own behaviour, i would like to conduct a survey... Pls post on my tagboard what you think makes me gay... voice aside... what else?

Your contribution to my quest of understanding my own appeal is invaluable and i hope you'd be honest in your opinion... cos im a big boy... ;) a real big boy....

Perspective is everything...

2007-01-25T02:31:00.000+08:00

I think when a guy tells a girl that she is the most beautiful lady he's ever seen. - it's a common compliment...

However, I think with my sick mind that the highest compliment that a guy can ever deal to his lady is to tell her that...

He wanks to her.

Aren't I a romanticist? LOL!

The Ringing just doesn't stop..

2007-01-13T05:20:00.000+08:00

I just came home from clubbing and it's 5.21am. It's freaking early or late. Whatever and I had an ok time. Well it wasn't totally smashing cos it was just 5 ppl dancing themselves silly. I've grinded 1 female, 3 males and the Dj's console a couple of times. So im fucking happy.

Note to all readers. Sld you ever want to bring ur date to a nice place to drink before clubbing. I shall introduce you to CONERSTONE! The drinks are fucking cheap and u can get high very easily with the prices so low. Or beer bar which is near double O. If you want cheap drinks. Seriously, Robertson Place is the place for u man... Hahaha...

So anyway. We made our way to MOS and we got in. It was pretty sweet cos they music was fly and all. But after awhile it started to die down and the songs were just I dunno from fucking where... So yeah. We just got ourselves high on the reminding coupons.

So we got back unto the dance floor and there was this guy. Indian fella about 170plus max just standing admist all the swaying and bobbing bodies and all of a sudden OUT OF NOWHERE! The guy starts falling asleep. I swear he was just totally motionless and just stoning with his eyes close. Hence asleep. So we like nudged him and immediately he started doing like a uppercut motion like dance and we're all like ... MWuahahahaahhahaHAHHaHahaHAHAhHA... THEN HE fell asleep again... AGAIN!

Everytime he fell asleep, we would touch him on the shoulder and he'll just do the same uppercut motion thing. WE're fucking laughing like mad. Den he left asleep infront of the DJs console and we're all like.. WTF... hahaha... But it's ok. And while he was doing the uppercut thing he kept punching me. Cos he was really wasted so he's punches were kinda more like nudges. and he kept punching the wall too. Some asses took the chance to grind him.. and mind you they were guys... Why!!!! But it was fucking funny so yeah...

The music was blasting and we were infront of the DJ console and just right beside the speakers. After a while, my brains were blasted and my ears left my head... So erm yeah.. It was time to go... So at the end of 3 fleeting hours. I am high, red-eye like cyclopse and still unable to break away from my phoney british accent. and very statisfied with the MOS ppl for being so smiley. ahahah...

It was a good day. Though the day was about IVOR and his sendoff. It turned out to be just us chilling. I kinda ignored what he said and that's ok... Cos he was pretty cool with it anyway... and he was pretty tired from i dunno what... but wad matters is that we had fun... I think we did... and for the whole time tonight... I forgot about work. and that break from life is just freaking awesome. thank you MOS and my friends of SSC.

Smoove is still the groove babei... packed like hell, but oooooooooooooooooooooo babei... there really is no other place den smoove. hahah...

HOES!!!!

2007-01-10T01:21:00.000+08:00

I FREAKING HATE WEB DESIGN!

I shall unleash the full wrath of my englrish poweress unto MY FUCKING FAILURE in my button! For i am the WORD WIZARD!

I was suppose to do a button for one of the assignments and I did my button. I was happy how it turned out and the idea for me was pretty good. So hence, you would understand. welll EXPECT my extreme distaste for a certain letter that appeared on my results transcript!

My anger stems not from my self-serving bias, but solely and mainly because i spent fucking EONS on that piece of mutha fucking god damn piece of web design... AHHHHHHHHH! If I am to fail, the reason and only reason must that I was in the wrong!

GOOD LORD AND FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS PURE! I AM DISATISFIED WITH MY "F" GRADE!

I spent hours thinking of a good concept and it's novelty is unparrelled to any and I say that when i've not seen many other buttons. (ok so there's some self-serving bias) CHEEBYE! ok alot...

I cant show the button to u cos i dun really know how to upload stuff. BUT it's ok. By my word alone, KNN! it's good enough... Truth be told. I think i sld have gotten at least a B. But since i didn't i shall fight for my lousy 3 points. KNN, im kiashu too.. BUT NO! those 3 lousy marks are mine. I WAS ROBBED!!!!

I better clear this up soon. I'm fantasizing about too many killing senarios involving the grader and a nice burning dish. MWuahahHAHAhaaHaHhaHaHaHaHAH...

Law Textbooks are HOTTTTT!!

2007-01-04T21:57:00.000+08:00

Today I would like to say that I am from the MOST KiaSHU course in the whole poly.

I decided not to go to the school library as i knew that all the law resource books were already gone seeing as how my assignment is due tml.

SO i went all the way to the national library so that i could LOOK at resource books.

I went at 8pm to the reference section of the NATIONAL library. I surmised that nobody would be as foolish as I to wait till this late to do the assignment. And so the books were probably just sitting there doing nothing.

I went, I searched for my books and all but when i went to the shelf, NOTHING WAS LEFT! it's a fucking reference section!!!

So i went around the library searching for the books. I went to the counter but the staff to me that it was on the shelves according to their database so erm FUCK U FOR HELPING! Den i tot, the person who has it is probably sitting somewhere. So i go around the library trying to look for somebody that looked like a cmm student.

Den i was like eh dun have. So i went around once again, slowly glancing at the book titles that ppl had beside them. AND THERE WAS NO LAW BOOKS ON THE TABLES!!!!

SO i went to the erm... standees thingys that say to put the books there after refering to them. SO i go to everyone and check and again. NOT A FUCKING THING!

So after wasting my time, effort, transit fare and erm... HANDPHONE BATTERY!!! I conclude that someone HID the books!!! HID THEM FROM ME!

IT'S A REFERENCE SECTION GOD DAMN IT!!! LEMME REFER!!!!!

talk about hottt stufffff....

My New Year Goodies

2007-01-02T01:21:00.000+08:00

This is my List of New Year Resolutions. There's a supertition that states how one starts the new year is a mark of how the year will be for him/her/it.

So by that one, I'll be bored, pissed and horny through 200-glorious-7! WOOT!

1. To be more timely. My dear secondary school teach always said punctuality is a virtue. and how true she is. I am not man of virtue den. and I do so apologise. I WILL practise my timings well.

2. Deliver what I promise. Sometimes I say stuff that I forget to do or postpone it till it does not seem fit doing. Smooth but not very good this one with the ladies...

3. Take better care of myself. I need to stop running myself into the ground. Hopefully by my birthday, I've come to the realisation that I am not SUPERMAN! TA DA DA DAAAAA!!!!

4. Crap less. Nobody needs shitty people around them.

5. Stop spending money on ridiculous items. I have numerous artifacts in my room that have no apparent function. Retarded objects just make me weak.. LOL!

6. PARTY HARDER!!!!

7. Get more Xin. Cos some people accuse me of not having ta men de xin. KNN!

8. Learn a bit more about everyone. Cultures, habits, insights... So on...

9. Use my brain more often. I need to cycle my organ usuage. I mean sticking to one is just fine. But the brain. There must be more than just fantasizing?!

10. LAST BUT NOT LEAST! Stop jumping to conclusions and be less of a bitch and a gay whore. People already have ideas, re-inforcing them does you no good kegan. Well, unless im really gay den.. FUCK FUCK FUCK... stop it. STEADY UR RESOLUTION MAN! STEADY URSELF!!!!

As you can see, I suffer from myself. Dun let me get me. lalalalala... Love that song.

11. Stop saying love so much. Nobody has that much love, and the people who do die very horrible deaths... Burrrrr...

I am not special anymore.

2006-12-26T07:57:00.000+08:00

In a recent conversation with my friend, I realised that hey! There could possibly be more Kegans in singapore. Really, if you grew up with my name, whenever you met someone new, the first think they'll say after "You're really TALL!" is that "Kegan huh? That's a nice / special / cool / unique name!" so yes. I grew up thinking that I was the ONLY Kegan in singapore.

But my friend told me that it was impossible seeing as how he had met another Kegan through his life. From his secondary school. What sparked my interest was that he mentioned this Kegan of his was SICKER THAN ME!

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL! I CLAIM THAT TITLE TO BE MINE! NO OTHER FUCKING FUCKER CAN FUCKING BE MORE FUCKING SICK THAN I AM! I PUT THE SSSSS IIIIIII CCCC KKKKSSSS IN SICK! I'm so sick, people from afar want to smack me cos they think im just down right dirty. IM SO SICK, it's a miricle i haven been stoned for my naughty tots!

OH GRACIOUS MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS GOOD! MY MOST PREVALENT AND DEAR FACT OF MOI has be STOLEN! FUCKING STOLEN!!!!

So yeah. I was interested. So i assume that that kegan would have a friendster. So i did a quick search. And to my horror, there were 8! TALK ABOUT UNIQUE! SPECIAL MY ASS!

Ofcos, I could claim that the other 7 on the list were fake and that it wasn't their christian name. But unfortunately, that arguement would fall falt on this one. He was indian? Sorta ang moh. His name followed the "first name, last name" concept. Kegan wadevahislastnamewasidunfuckingcare.

So yeah. I wasn't stunned but yeah. There is another. I was curious so i did a quick ok OK! THOROUGH! I WAS BLOODY THOROGH! read of their profiles and scanned their pictures. Note. All the Kegans in singapore with the exception of moi and Kegan wadchamercallit are not erm... visually pleasing. Hahaha... So yes. Im thankful. BUT the common factor among all of the kegans with readable profiles is that they are well-liked among their friends. I'm ofcos taking myself out of the picture.

One is some really artsy fartsy person. Like the guy goes to concerts and plays and performs in some. Well that's wad i gather from his pictures and testis. Apparently he's an ass shaker. Good on YER BRUDDA! er. There's another that's like a church family guy with a cooking class to his name. Like he attends some class or wadeva... but er ya... woooowhooo?

den there's some 41 year old Kegan that's still single according to his profile and has some anime picture stuck as his Display pic. I was kinda horrified at that prospect and did not want to delve any further into that one for fear it might be a glimpse into my own future. Though i highly doubt it. but erm. I rather not know. hahaha...

Then there's like 3 others who's profiles were blank and were relatively new accounts. But all of them were in the 17 - 19 range. with the exception of Kegan anime....

So yes. I am special no more. The name kegan lies not with one but now with eight. Oh btw... My friend said that kegan fuckme is so sick that he fucks his dog. That's why he had a bad impression of kegans out there.

I'm glad I did justice to my five wonderful letters. ;) hey jiahong...

No Girlfriend Woes

2006-12-20T00:08:00.000+08:00

I have no girlfriend. that much is true. So now for the record and erm... My lack of shame i say that I Kegan Tan, have never been in a relationship before. No girlfriend ever before. And that IS not my problem. What is... IS that I may NEVER have one at the rate im going. How oh my good dear friends... HOW?

I know exactly wad i want in a girl. Maybe u surmise that my focus is off. That i am searching for my one PERFECT girl... That i assure u is not the case. Think about it, i know roughly what qualities my girl sld have, but I do not only look for them. I look for potential eh? Humour. but my search of 6 years has lead to nothing.... except the fact that I am still SINGLE! Which again, i dun mind. But still, you know how these things go. Social animals, need to have companionship. FUCK U NATURE! FREAKING PAIN IN MY ASS!!!

So yes... I want a girl who makes me laugh. Not at her or her bimbotic actions, but about stuff... myself erm... ya know.... life? And that girl is not to be found anywhere... Which is sad... for me... So yes... If you think im not searching, I am... it's just that there are A LOT OF DUH GIRLS to seive through and i fucking cant hurt them... so i have to seive sensitively... haiz... so yes... PLEASE MY DEAR FRIENDS! SET ME UP!

Just pass my number to smart attractive pleasent looking girls... and one more thing... SMART as in my kinda smart.. NO not street smart. self depricating, sarcastic, exceptionally rude but all all times still cool smart... PLEASE... christmas is nearing... THE LOVE SLD COME ROUND TO ME!!!!

Self absorbed i know... but what to do? Lovelorn mah...

Christmas Is NEARING!

2006-12-19T03:10:00.000+08:00

HO OH MO IS A JOLLY OLD FO!

CHRISTMAS IS HERE!!! Well coming that is. So boys and girls do you know what this FUCKING MEANS?

my sole reason for this post is for shedding some light unto this ultide season of CHEER!!!!

Christmas is said to be a special day. One so special in fact that people actually say anything is possible on this glorious day of love. For some, they believe that love was born today becos a god gave life to humanity when they needed it most. Others believe that santa claus shovels out love in the form of presents. I FOR ONE! Believe that love is today, simply becos it is as such..

So the most Lovely of december days that we call 25th is quoted to be of most powerful days. Most potent for almost anything. To do anything! Declare any love, any hidden feelings, guilt or even sorrow. So i dare you, my audience of unkown proportions, go on and do it... do it... do it...

LOVE IS ALL AROUND! Grab it. suck it? WHATEVER! Just know that love is embodied in this one day. ONE FUCKING SPECIAL DAY! Seize it to tell someone special about you. Do smth grand for ur lover boy/girl/pet? For it only comes once a year... Oh on christmas day, love is everywhere....

Plus i'll be counting on the fact that everyone is high on christmas goodies and merry feelings of the most commercialised holiday of EVER, to find someone who is deluded enough to expend all those advertising hypnotic tots unto GOOD OLD MOI!

Oh dun you love christmas? ;)

I wish I went to highschool.

2006-12-15T02:04:00.000+08:00

I FUCKING LOVE DISNEY MOVIES!!!! And today the fact that I'm a sapper has been reinforced once again...

I've just finished watching "High School Musical" and I tell you it's fantabulistic. I was quite rather interested by the song "Breaking Free" from the high school musical soundtrack as the lyrics held a certain sense of meaning i could not have understood if I did not watch the show. AND I HAVE and its awesome. The female lead is gorgoeous!!! Gabrilla? arh... whatever... She's freaking amazing... Can sing, can solve chemistry equations, can freaking dance to an erratic beat song? KNN!!!

So yes. In short, this show is about this two ppl. The girl is a math wiz that is from the scholoary group - Brains of the school and the guy is from the basketball team. Each are the captains or prime of their groups. And so they both love singing and want to audition for the school's musical - hence the title of the movie.

BUT they cant becos the school is already set in their ways. As in jock is jock, musical nut equals musical nut. Because of their efforts to "BREAK FREE" (the song title), a wave of people start showing who they really are...

Ok really cheesy but i feel if you look hard enough, the script is much more complex then it is. It's a play on romeo and juliet i'll say. They are banished from the realm of singing by all around them. Their parents for one forbid it. Well actually that of the guy. Hence the inversion from the original romeo and juliet but still close to that of the source. Also, not only did their parents not agree, they were breaking social norms and society (high school) did not agree with it and were afraid of the change the couple might bring on.

So in exchange for stability, the student body strives to tear the couple apart from what they know is true. High school resorts to trickery and to guilt. Both can be identified with the shakespearean text we all love...

So my dear friends! I have just officially came up with the best justification for me crying in a disney original film. LOL! I am so proud of myself. Btw.... IT IS A HOOOTT SONNGGG!!!

I love you Ivor...

2006-12-10T22:58:00.000+08:00

This is crazy...

I am a procrastinator.. A habit i truly am not proud of. How i stop procrastinating is simply by guilting myself. Yes I am so smart its sick... Or so sick its sick... Hmmmm anyways... My mid terms are two days away and hence the whining...

It started out as, like watch a movie 2 days before a term test den it became going out with friends for a whole night for final year... BUT NOW! Oh holly smolly have I got a story for you...

Me being the genuis that I am felt absolutely no pressure although 17 labels were sticking out of my encylopedia thick text book highlighting the various chapters that were esstential to me getting an A. ahahahahahah... So i WENT CLUBBING!!!!

Well actually its a lil more than that.. so yeah...

My supposed "guilt trip" started out at the thank you dinner for the standard chartered singapore marathon. The thing was, that day itself i had already been up from 2am doing my stupid case study for a project... WEll it wasn't that stupid cos we trashed the other team that presented... though it wasn't really hard la... Anyways.. So i was majorly pooped and thought about giving a skip... But den i remembered I had a mid term paper so out of DUTY! I had to GO!

So there I was at Riverside Indonesian Restaurant downing a tiger... I didn't really like it so its ok... I drank... 2 or 1? Not sure... didn't feel like a lot... After the dinner we den proceed to the bungy bar for more drinks... In total there was about 40 on the table for 10 ppl? So we got a bit carried away drinking... Cos there were managers and interns there right so the interns were really whacking the beer and some of them got a tad wasted after that...

One guy was like so:
Almost drunk guy: hey you know when i drink i get drunk...
Us: yeah that's how it is?
Almost drunk guy: ok ok i drink...
Us(silent): wtf???

they interns kept trying to get everyone drunk... They said we teh den we drink... So we click our bottles and were suppose the down the whole contents... Damnit... fucking assholes... they were just joking... I was drinking a fair bit more cos I tot the rule still applied.. Damnit... But hey... It was free, me aint complaining...

So i was really itching to go clubbing... I love dancing... I know its gay, but hey... shaking vigourously in no apparent rythem or sequence is highly enjoyable to me! So anyways... Me and IVOR (my love) wanted to go clubbing... So everyone was like let's go let's go... Den 3 of them iterally went off... They got up and went home... One puked, 1 was talking gibberish (it was a whole new language of moans) and one more was just a pansy... So ta da... count down to 7...

So we head over to Gotham Penthouse... This club in clark quay. So i was pretty estatic cos erm... IT WAS R & B ALL NIGHT LONG BABEI!!! So we got in wtihout a hassel even though we were below the "strictly above 23" limit... We went in at around 12. In other clubs, this was when it would pick up eh? Like really get cracking and crazy? IT WAS FREAKISHLY DEAD! DEAD LIKE A HEDGEHOG WITHOUT SPIKES!!!! DEAD LIKE DRACULAR WITHOUT MAKE UP! I WAS FUCKING BORED!

So i decided. Hey! I'll get high first den i wun be so affected by the OLD PPL SHAKING THEIR NONE EXISTENT ASSES! (Ppl there were fucking scrawning... Its amazing how their belts could fasten their bottoms to their bodies)

So i encourage everyone to get their first drink and get high by breaking out into screams of a "NIGHT WE WILL NEVER FORGET" and well.. smth to that effect... It works pretty well cos in a few minutes, everyone has a drink in their hands or infront of them... I was done with mine and I wanted more... But i didn't wanna take anyone's drink even when they were offering... So i went to pee... I walked thru the lounge area and I saw 2 of them lying on the counch... Wasn't really surprised cos they weren't in their usual chirpy selfs on the way here... So erm... rest up guys? haaha.. I went to the toilet and I saw the almost drunk guy SPINNING at the urinals... NO he was not a Deejay... HE WAS LITERALLY SPINNING AROUND AT THE URINALS waiting for the cubicals to free up... I found this so humourous that I could not bring myself to laugh as I too was utterly disturbed that he was having so much fun twirling round in a club toilet... But WHATEVER... i bring him over to where the two ppl are lying down and hence we have a pile of useless ppl at numbered a grand total of 3... WOOT!

So the four remaining fellas are just stoning and trying to groove the songs... But the R & B playlist is really old... Like erm... Ago go girls old? So for every 10 songs you'll hear, 2 you know and the 8 you'll have no clue... (Note: if you are not cool, just assume you know what i'm talking about) So i was totally turned off by the music even though it was R & B! which is really crap. But not important... Just half an hour after we enter... the pile of useless bodies decided to retire for the night... so the four guys just sit and do nothing but stare at women... So we're just looking and looking and looking...

I get bored. so bored that I get up and go dancing on the dance floor with no plan or clue on how to attract ppl to the floor... after half a minute i give up and i decide to retire back to my table... AT THIS POINT IN TIME! 2 of the remaining 4 say they wanna go home... NOTE! THEY WERE THE ORGANISERS OF THIS EVENT! THOSE TWO WERE GIVING UP ON THEIR OWN STANDARD CHARTERED THANK YOU AFTER PARTY! LOL! FUCKING FUNNY!!!

So who's left? Lil old me and MA MAN IVOR!!!! Pls understand that its not gay, but cool always hangs with cool and hence, i guess ivor can be inducted into the hall of cool la... Hahahaha...

I say the following and he responses as such:
Kegan: fuck this shit man... old ppl trying to feel sexy. WTH am I doing here... Fuck this... I'm going to MOS... come on.
Ivor: (nods)
Kegan: let's go
Ivor (stoned)(nods)

So we get out of the club and IMMEDIATELY IVOR PERKS UP!

Ivor: eh we're going MOS! Shit we wasted money on entry to that place for nothing... crap...
Kegan: well at least we're going to better place now...
Ivor: fuck we sld have gone to ur pre-zouk out party thing.. it was free la.. since you got invites
Kegan: i told you, but you wanted to see what the crowd think... diaoz diaoz... nvm.. let's just go grind some chicks. WOOT!
Ivor: let's WOOT!

so we enter and we get our drink... Smoove, the R & B area is HORRIBLY PACKED, EVERYBODY LOOKS LIKE A RUFFIAN and THE MUSIC IS FANTASTIC!!!! WHY DID I GO TO GOTHAM PENTHOUSE? WHY? WHY? WHY?

So it was so packed, i decide to bring ivor to the main arena first to warm up for smoove... so we're at the arena and they're playing house music that night... and up on stage was LOVELY LAURA! She's one hot almost flat mama! She was playing the sax to the house music and it was fantabulistically awesomest shit there ever was man! and she had a six pack. I tot six packs on girls would be kinda gross... BUT HERS WAS FINE! Oooooooooooooooooooooo LAURA! I shouted " I love you laura " a couple of times but i think ppl tot i was high... oh well.... haahahahahahahahah....

after dancing to house and oogling at laura for a bit... ivor got a headache and we move over to the retro room to get his head more leveled... we sit and rest for a bit and we head back to smoove!

OH MY GAWD!!!! The music was FUCKING GREAT! The girls were all gettting riled and everyone was doing their thwang! We smooved our way into the dance floor and secure ourselves a SWEET SPOT.... IN FRONT OF THE SPEAKERS!!!

it was pretty hot! there were a few girs around us but mostly it was guys... I tot it would be pretty gay to dance with ur guy friend for a 3 hour strench.. but it was fucking fun! WHhahaha... shut up and stop infering... wankers...

During that whole time... I was grinded by AT LEAST 7 guys, 1 hot female and 2 very confused girls... and in that span, there was a couple so busy groping each other that they were pushing me into the speakers... it was gross! The guy was butting me into the speakers while his girlfriend's hand was busy covering the span of his ass / lack of ass.... I couldn't move at all cos i was sandwiched inbetween assless guy and fucking LOUD SPEAKER! But whatever... when a hip song came it... I took the chance to FREAK OUT and they moved away... hahaha.. I'm such an asshole...

So we danced and all. But what i felt was totally amazing was that by 2 oclock I could barely stand properly, every single muscle fibre was aching and my head was wozzy, but I HAD NO INTENTION OF STOPPING!!! I was Fucking DRUNK ON THE MUSIC!!!!! It was SOOOOOOOOOOO good!!!!

Also what made that day totally worth it was the girls man... There's an elevated platform on the dance floor and it was erm... sardined with girls... Hot girl on hot girl just shaking their booties and what nots laughing and having so much fun!

THAT IS ONE SICK FANTASY I HAVEN TOT OF! I HAVE FUCKING HOPE OF BECOMING MORE SICK THAN I ALREADY AM! this prospect excits me so... hmmmmmmmmmm...

seriously.. they had so space to move, no space at all to shuffle much less BREATHE! BUT THEY WERE GRINDING EACH OTHER SILLY AND SMILING THE WHOLE TIME! OMG!!!!! Lol... So yes... After 3 hours i was BEYOND DEHYDRATED! My lips were cracking, my kness could hold no more weight, i was way pass the point of hearing and tired out of my mind. me and ivor decide to head on home... Hahaha.

I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED ENDURANCE CLUBBING AS I HAVE LAST FRIDAY! FANTASTIC!!! IM SO DOING IT AGAIN!

I love you Ivor... haahahahahah Shithead... and he kepts saying he's hot... knn... so hot den why no girls flirting with u? ;)

HOOBASTANK & MUSE is coming BABEI!

2006-12-06T21:48:00.000+08:00

Only two of the biggest acts in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD is coming to singapore! WTFH!

They'll be coming in the month of jan, 16 (muse) and 28 (hoob)...AND IM FUCKING GOING!!!! I dun care if i fucking have 7 assignements due in just that timeframe and i dun fucking care if my workload kills ME! I FUCKING AM GOING TO MUSE AND FUCKIGN HOOBASTANK!

I FUCKING MISSED COLDPlAY! WTFH WAS I FUCKING THINKING! So as of now... I am going for the most kickass concerts ever... I really hope coldplay comes back. and if u're thinking im a concert freak... well erm.. HELL SHIMMY SHAM YYEAHHHHH!!!!

Ofcos i dun go for all concerts.. Who the hell cares for robbie williams?

So im going right and i cant fucking go alone.. SO I ASKED PPL TO GO WITH ME!

a convo is as follows:

WHO'S MUSE? - Ivor says:
MUSE AND HOOBASTANK are coming to singapore
WHO'S MUSE? - Ivor says:
ARE U FUCKING GOING?
Brian ~ Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo says:
lol

calm down
Brian ~ Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo says:
what is a muse anyway??

Brian ~ Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo says:
like a moose loving band orsmthing?
WHO'S MUSE? - Ivor says:
OMFG
WHO'S MUSE? - Ivor says:
OMFFFFFG
WHO'S MUSE? - Ivor says:
KILL ME
WHO'S MUSE? - Ivor says:
WHO IS MUSE
WHO'S MUSE? - Ivor says:
KISS MY ASS MATHU FUCKER!!!!
WHO'S MUSE? - Ivor says:
they are only THE MOST NOT SELL OUT BAND IN THE WORLD
WHO'S MUSE? - Ivor says:
most successful only becos they've stuck to the core
WHO'S MUSE? - Ivor says:
they are like evanescene but 10 times MORE HAUNTING AND DEEP
WHO'S MUSE? - Ivor says:
OMFG
WHO'S MUSE? - Ivor says:
...
WHO'S MUSE? - Ivor says:
u've just killed me today

See? And i had so much hope...

Btw... My skin appointment is tml. ;)

School is a hoe

2006-12-02T03:27:00.000+08:00

Web design is so fuckinig not my cup of tea. It's not even my fucking beverage! CHEEBYE!

Such a fucking waste of time. But whatever. My button is done and my dumb banner is also submitted. One thing that pisses me off is the sponsors. I mean come on!

Ok the deal is that we are doing a branding project for our school's radio station and we need to approach sponsors and all to get our deals worked out right? So our tutors made a system to like sort the teams so the sponsors are not constantly bombarded with proposals from different teams eh?

U catch my drift? So yeah. This morning, cos i was rushing for my fucking banner and button. My team lost Singapore Sports Council as a sponsor. I feel that seriously hurt us, cos i think it's really good if we had them. I spent my fucking internship there. and I'm pretty tight with the ppl there. We go out and drink and make jokes about all the shit in the world. So getting money and even Fandi Amad from them wouldn't be much of a problem LA! But hey! Life sucks, and since my whole FUCKING GROUP ARE ALL GIRLS! (not that im complaining at times)

BUT SPORST ARE IMPORTANT EH! [SPORTS FOR LIFE DAMNIT! <--- SSC's Motto.]

And their justification is that we got Creative. So er that rocks la. Seeing as how my Aunt works there and knows personally Sim Boon whatever his name is... So hey. Blood is thicker than water eh?

KISS MY ASS FUCKING FLASH!

Random I know... I was so happy going to school today. I almost broke into a sprint on the bridge connector. hahaha... Yeah I dunno why... well i do. But it's too sick to say it out. Mwuahahahahah...

I haven worked in 2 weeks at Singapore Swimming Club and it's starting to get to me. Fuck i miss me work mates... Fucking gays.. hahahaha...

Ance going down. Still shopping and being absolutely retarded. Room still messy and still in need of clubbing... Where are thou my brethen! WHERE! You fucking wankers and erm.. my girlfriends... END UR FUCKING EXAMS, INTERNSHIP PROGRAMMES AND GET OUT OF THE CAMP!

At times like these, I often wonder if I'll fit in with the crowd in the army. WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY POINT!

I worry for myself when i go into the army. I mean, im no fag. so climbing all the mountains and push ups wun kill me. The only thing that worries me is the company... You probably dunno me, but I can safely say, I'm special. not at all your common joe, doe or fucking moe. So what if I get thrown into a ah beng camp? Sure i wun die cos my whole paternal line are all ah bengs and me and my youngest brother are the only exceptions. BUT I WILL JUST KILL MYSELF! I dun get chinese jokes and the only hokkien swear word that i pull of properly is my signature cheebye...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

What den if I am stuck in a camp with lame jc jackoffs? What den? Cos lame to me is never cool. I repeat... NEVER! They'll probably make lame fucking dumb jokes and laugh their asses off about some crow passing by over their heads or some chilling feeling feeling that comes by. FUCK! And when I throw them one of my one liners, there will just be silence in the room. Fucking silence, cos why? They dun fucking know what I'm talking about.

WTFH! Kill me...

Ok you might think it's not that bad. They'll probably be a good mix of the two above groups. RIGHT! SO DEN I ALTERNATE MY SUICIDE METHODS LAR!

Cheebye, I'm fucked...

The List of Never

2006-11-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

Recently (span of two days), I have found myself, changed. Call me weird, but I truly think that I am better than who i was before, in just two days.

Which brings me to explaining how this change came about. And I say it's becos I did smth, I thought I would never do.

The List Of Never:

1. I swore never to make any girl cry. (Really lousy swear. That's all I can say)

2. I said that I would never watch a movie alone, cause it's just too wrong. (I broke this one for The Covenant)

3. I told myself that I will not allow anyone else to affect who I am as much as possible. (ONE FOR THE HOME TEAM!)

4. I promised good old me to never settle into a relationship because I want to be in want. Let no amount of peer pressure allow my conviction to cave for a pre-perfect girl relationship. (TWO ALREADY!!! Whoolllyyy Smoooollleeyyy!!!)

5. To help my friends with all of my power should it be possible. (YESSSSIIIIRRRREEEE We have number THREE!)

6. I made a choice to let all resentment end with me, so that the vicious circle of hate stops with me. Taking blows and eating shit never seemed so noble. (Ok I'll not count this, cause I know it's a 50 50 thing)

7. To be honest, with all who I can. For if we have not honesty, what den of humanity can we claim? (True is true. And I can say yes to this YOOOO WHO!)

8. Not to ever walk on the beach alone. Cos it's too sad and according to my mum - "dangerous you know, the waves will sweep you away!" (Yes! This one isn't that hard to break, but still counted)

My nevers comes to a grand total of 8, of which... 3 I have broken.

I broke the "movie alone" rule becos I was friendless. But in the theatre I was quite happy that nothing could keep me back from getting what I want. And this preception, or gift of sight rather. Made me insanely happy. Ha! Sick I am...

Oh so sick...

LoserVille Never Felt So Cool

2006-11-13T02:14:00.000+08:00

Hey Goons,
Lately, I've been in the dumps cos a lot of my friends are busy with work, school, army ya da ya da. And so im just hanging out with the Cmm peeps. I haven watched a movie in the longest of time and I have yet to watch the prestige. (Even my army buddies have caught it!) KNN!

So yes. Totally trashy. Ok I'm blogging about this one most fantabulistic loser day.

Last sat, I was suppose to do work and all for school so I drew up a things to do list and most of it was work and packing my room ya da ya da. but i didn't do any cos I WOKE UP LATE! for soccer so I only made it there at 11.

When i arrived the match had already started and the teams were full. So i was like... Erm... I'll just go get some water. So i went to cheers got water for me mates and when to the soccer court. They were still at it so I just decided to like go swim cos i left my pool stuff in my bag (from not swimming on friday, geezz). So i made my way to the pool, which was like the full span of the the school from where the soccer court was. When i arrived at the pool, i realised that the competition pool and the leisure pool were closed for all the CCA groups. (Damn u fit fuckers! KNN let me swim mah, i also want pecks) AND THE ONLY POOL OPEN WAS THE BABY POOL!

It was quite loserish that i was rejected by a sign, but what made me more loser was i actually contemplated about swiming in that round shallow pool! Which in the end i didn't, cos i saw some ang moh child having so much fun. Er ok... Moving on. So i LEFT for the pitch to see if the guys were done and could start a new match. But when i got there, they were all gone! So i called ALL their mobiles but no one picked up. So i assumed they started a new match somewhere else but i couldn't find them.

So I went to the gym and worked out for half and hour before I left for Singapore Sports Council cos there was a briefing for volunteers. And i wanted to help out and Complete my full marathon organising experience. haha. So yeah. Ivor came to pick me up in his mum's TEAL TOYOTA! LOL! It's a fucking gay car. It screams gay, and with ivor in it picking me up from school, it just felt totally wrong. WRONG LIKE NOTHING!!! But luckily no one saw me get in and he drives quite fast so yeah.

Den breifing blab! Most boring thing. I wasted my time there cos when we arrived, the organisers were so busy briefing the other people that they said they'll breif us some other time. KNN. 3 hours of my life lost to oogling at beatrice. That girl was fine. ahahahahahah Sorry. Serial stalker. I know.

So den i headed home and played the most radical RPG - final fantasy 12 for 2 hours before i left the house to meet the guys for clubbing.

It was Russell, Helmi, Julius and Me going out for the night to party. Now the true loser story begins!

We gather to go to zouk. So we take the train to city hall so we can take the 16 to zouk. Looks like it's working out fine and all, but once we're on the bus, we're like "where is everyone?" and i kept telling them it's too early and we're like fucking losers going to club at 9. So embarressing.... Just to get in for 15 dollars. Knn.. Cos after 10pm is 25. We're such cheapos.

we were talking on the bus about helmi's coming trip to brunei and the various jungle animals he has to kill for survival and how he has to go about this process and it was so intruiging that we MISSED THE BUS STOP!

So after walking back a long stop! We arrived at 1004pm. the cover charge was at 20 dollars then. and we were like. Eh there's soccer, and we stood there talking about whether or not we sld sit at the bar first or go into the club first. den KA CHING! It hit 25 MOOOOLAAASS!!! Fuck man. All that effort for nuts. So GENIUS JULIUS said "spending 25 dollars at zouk to get in at 10 is really just not enuf on a sat night, we sld be having more fun" so we as true losers agreed and LEFT ZOUK! KNN! If you're at zouk DUN LEAVE! Learn from my mistakes, you must!

We cabbed down to clark quay cos we wanted to go pubbing. So after walking up and down the stretch, we got hungry and went to macdonald's cos helmi couldn't have anything at clark quay, seeing as how everything was not halah. Damnit.

We were at liang court's macdonalds and we were talking about where to go next. So we decided hey! why not go to BOAT KEY! So we headed to boat key after getting directions from the mac lady. hahah. LOSER!

We walked the whole way and so er ya. We arrived finally after getting lost for a bit. How it's possible I dun really know, but true losers lose their way even when it's set right in fron of them.

After arriving at boat quay and rejecting all offers to eat at any of the restuarants, we sat down outside of tcc and were deciding where to go next. After HALF A FUCKING HOUR AND THE GUYS REJECTING ALL MY IDEAS EXCEPT LAN AND SETTLERS CAFE! We started walking in boat quay again. We were outside of eski bar. And julius was getting desperate cos his Manhandled fuckers of undershit's watch was starting. So he dragged us into Eski bar. WHICH IS FUCKING COLD! their tagline sld be, we freeze you over so much, you wun know that we are ripping you off! The prices were ok la. But still too ex for a bar. We sat down and my sweat was freezing my nipples. So totally gross. hahahahahahaha... But we were quite high and happy at the time. Cos between places we had a few drinks and were really talking crap.

THE MATCH WAS RUBBISH! It was raining like hell and i was like, "if they fucking cancel the match, I'm going th whack the shit out of you julius" and helmi and russell both agreed to help me to hold him down. hahaha. in the end, it wasn't cancelled, but it was ridiculously boring. and the fact that all 4 of us were rubbing ourselves, was just wrong. hahahahaha.... But it was fun.

Finally we got out and went to 7-eleven for supper and headed home. We waited Specially for a mercedes cab cos according to them "it was faster and more comfortable" so yeah whatever. We got one and headed home. On our way home, we were stopped by the POLICE! HELL FUCKING YUEAH! WE JUST HIT MAJOR LOSER! .

They were doing a routine spot check! And we got out and they took our ICs and everything. And i was like, "Hi, erm can i know how long this is going to take cos the metre's running." and the officer with a lot of bars on his epitulate was like it's a routine check.

KNN! THAT'S NOT THE ANSWER TO MY QUESTION! So i was like screw this. But i was high and happy so i wasn't really pissed. Seriously, copy my name down for nothing. We were just on our way home to sleep. Becos of that check, 6 dollars was added onto the metre for nothing. CRAP! LOSERRRRRRRR...

I got home and slept. And now after 19 hours, Im typing this post. I haven had so much fun in a while. And it was from being a loser for a day. WOW! LOL! Nvm.. I shall not go on. Lol.

This post's english is all jumbled so er ya. But my point is. I spent over 60plus dollars doing random shit when I was trying to save 10. =D Loserville never felt so cool!

I LOVE ACNE!

2006-11-08T21:53:00.000+08:00

Ok this blog was meant to be romantic and sad and all about one girl. But as of now, it's more about my acne then anything else. Hahahahaha... Yes, both case it's sad, I know.

So here goes in the cronicles of prorecutin.

Becos school has started (good excuse at every end), I have decided to take DRASTIC measures about my acne problem. Becos ppl like to stare so I haf gotta give them smth smth to look at ya know? Steerring off course but er... OK!

So i went for a consultation at Singapore General Hospital (SGH) at the dermertology clinic. So the sign said that Doctor er Sim Juan Goon (some old name, not significant but very ah peh sounding) So i INFERRED that it was some old vetern doctor that couldn't care less about treating patients cos he just wanted the money and the sercurity that the hospital provided. HENCE, just by that sign, I was like "fucked already"

So i was like. Er.. Oh well... My number was called thru that beeping screen flashy thing and i went to room one. I opened the door and I was STUNNED! TIO SUPER STUN! There was some gorgoeus super model with Ooooooooooooooooooooooo so nice legs crossed in the doctor's chair. I was like OOooooooooooo fuck me! WTH! Den she said, "Heelllllooooooo" in a most wimpsical note. I COULD HAVE FUCKING DIED!!! SHE WAS THE DOCTOR I WAS CONSULTING!!!!

OMG OMG OMG!!! KISS MY ASS BABEI! Ok u may think I am going overboard with a description like super model but really get this. Indian mixed with smth = gorgeuos. Wearing rectangular glasses in a "i dun need them to read, it's just to make me look smart cos i am" fashion. WOAH! GLASSES ARE HAWT!!! She's lean and lengthy and have a proportionate body frame and the darkest of dark hair. GAWD KILL ME!

And stupid me was in a daze. So i said. elow?

I walked in and sat down. Note to reader: this is the first consultation so hence the star stuckness.

So she said that my pimples were bad i needed medication blab blab blab. So Prorecutin was the only way to make it ALL GO AWAY! WOOOT! I explained my concerned about the medication as i was told by a doctor that I might get liver damage and that the side effects were quite serious.

She assured me that no such thing ever happens to young men such as yourself. And she smiled. OK WAIT RIGHT THERE! She smiled. It was a nice smile. But it was a general smile. It wasn't a doctor to patient, "it's going to be ok, i wish to treat you smile" no definately not. Nor was it a "i wanna bang you smile" so i was like. Hell that's a GOOD SMILE!

So according to the law, she had to ask me to sign a consent form to release the hospital from whatever side effects that would occur blab shit blab. I told her I couldn't sign it becos I was a minor. AND I SWEAR! She had a certain kind of shock and disappointment in her face. She asked the nurses whether 19 was a minor. Almost every nurse that walked in until i finally convinced her that as long as ur below 21 in Good old Singapura, you cant sign anything of this sorts. So she said for me to get one parent down for a second consultation. And i was like ok cool... (i found out later she started practising in the UK)

So she continued with the consultation and was like yes, you have acne that could lead to permenant scarring. Now we have to "moves finger onto face!!!!" Hell during her whole pointing time, she totally was not pointing to the ACNE CAN? she did a SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH stroke to emphasize that i need to get rid of it. I was like WOW! Now i wanna be a doctor and touch girls. But yeah. I was more enjoying it then anything. Ok I'm a sick loser, Bare with me. It gets better... Hahaha

SHE ASKED ME in this manner

hawt doc: so is there any acne on your body?
me : nope, just on my face, my body is totally free of acne, unmarked,
unscarred. It's the face and only the face.
hawt doc: ic. so how long did the other doc have u on antibiotics
......
......
......
......
hawt doc: so you sure you dun have any acne on your body?

COME ON!!!! OBVIOUS FLIRTING!!!!! LOL! Im sorry but yes. Think about it! If I had acne on my body dun u think I would tell you seeing as how i would like to treat EVERYTHING! If I recall, I was wearing my superman shirt. So hey. Cant blame her eh? LOL SORRY!!!!! I was just laughing inside so much and enjoying the appointment babei!

So moving on, she asked for a prorecutin brochure so it would allow me to understand the process and ailments ya da ya da ya da. The staff was highly INCOMPETANT! by staff i mean nurses. The nurse in the room attached to the doctor gave her 4 different brochures that were wrong! She left the room and another nurse came in to find the phamlet. THE NEW NURSE gave up and later 3 NURSES came in. FINALLY! a Staff nurse came in and gave hot doc the brochure and she was like, finally thank you. And the noob initial nurse kept laughing. I was like WTH! Dumbshit.

So yes. She kicked up a fuss over lil old ME! ME, KNN ME!!!!! Er yes. Deprived of love. Shut it. My story remember?

So i was like ok, when sld i come back? She was like I work on mondays, tuesdays and thursdays. So i was like, ok monday then. And she smiled the SAME GOOD SMILE! OH LORD SAVE ME! At this point in time i was totally clicking my heels man!

So er ya. I left the room and went to the counter to pay and arrange the appointment and i asked my mum when she could come down and she was like only wed and friday.

AND I WAS LIKE HELL NO! CRAP FUCK THIS FUCKING UNFAIR SHIT! I FUCKING HATE KRAMA! SHOW ME NICE ASS AND TAKE IT AWAY! So i reluctantly took a late appointment on wed knowing that there was probably no hope of seeing her and left the hospital...

I was shot down man. But still totally happy i have finally got my acne sorted out.

FASTFORWARDING 5 days... to the second consultation..............................................................................................................................................................

So me and my mum entered the room on the second visit and she was like hi! no smile

So i said i was the guy who needed to sign the form. And she was like, yeah i remember you, SMILE!

And she explained to my mum about the LACK of risk cos my mum was looking out for my well being and was concerned about the possible side effects so yeah...

DEN SHE PLACED HER HAND on my face AGAIN. and said in a stroke, "i feel that if at the start, we had started him out on prorecutin, all this scarring would not have been." ok the thing is. She was talking to my mum who was sitting across me. But she was facing me while speaking as my mum was reading the brochure and multi-tasking an inquery at the same time. (damn i love my mum) and she was smiling at me when she finished. Ok u may think I'm deluded BUT if you recall, SHE WASN'T SUPPOSE TO WORK TODAY! BUT HERE SHE IS!!!! HELL YEAHHHH!!!

SHE SMOOTH HER HAND OVER MY FACE INFRONT OF MY MUM - FUCKING SLY!!! OH GAWD!

Im sorry, but I think I may actualy have met my perfect girl (women) whatever.

She fulfills ALL qualities. IM SO HAPPY! Now i get to see her every MONTH for a check up. CAN WE SAY JOY! JOY TO THE WORLD WHEN ANGELS SING! Im going to give her a christmas present! YES!

That's how I'll hook her. I mean 8 december is ligit right? Seeing as how I wun see her anytime after that. Yes pyscho but hey. U dun get to see hot doctors everyday in fact, no hot doctors around.

So this MUST BE SOME KIND OF REWARD for me to see her once every month. *faints!*

IMMA LUCKI BIATCH!!!!

New Beginning To A Semester Of Shit

2006-10-29T01:06:00.000+08:00

Hey you morons,
I have updated my blog template and I must say I'm pretty proud of it. Though it has a very dark feel of sadness of longing to it. I think the focal picture is extremely reflective of my personality, well that's how I feel.

SO! Anyways, I'm done with my SIP report and I fucking must say that I am ridiculously happy that I do noy need to do much work for the next week. HOWEVER! It is the start of the new semester and media looks already to be a pain. I just hope that "promotions & campiagns" will totally rock. I would love Ms Lau to teach me, but as karma, fate or rather the "random computed placing" would have it, she is not.

Haha. On another note, this is my last semester and it's going to be the hardest. Hopefully I can get by without killing myself too much. I hope you like the template and I am going to figure out how to put in a tagboard for my friends and stalkers to post hate messages for me. Obviously DA lurve is not here... Haha...

Ciao...

My Girl Auditions

2006-10-27T08:01:00.000+08:00

In my previous post - my list of wants, I wrote in point 12 that I want a girlfriend that possessed the following qualities:

1. intelligent
2. witty
3. independant
4. modest
5. charming
6. babalicious
7. sly
8. uncompromising
9. crazy
10.abosolutely confident
11.beautiful

HOWEVER, after reading that line over and over again (talk about obession), I have realised that SHIT! I need to revise that list and be more specific. I mean come on, witty? Spiderman's witty. Does that mean I want to bang him? LOL! No! (Fuck you, people who thought "yes") so here I go

I want a girlfriend who is:
1. intelligent enough to know her shit and her priorities.
2. so witty the gilmore girls, malcom in the middle and the justice league will pale in comparison to her amazing verbal poweress!
3. independant. If I really love you, I'll tell you where am I at all times, what I'm doing and that I'm thinking of you. I do not need you to ask me to tell you the above at 3 minutes intervals throughout our relationship.
4. modest. Simply because modesty is a key component for stunning me.
5. charming enough to have animals want to follow her around. I needa spirit in ma female!
6. babalicious. Duh, wouldn't you want your gf to be a babe too?
7. sly, because rainbows, carebears and barney make me sick. But a devilish grin doesn't.
8. uncompromising about who she is, what she stands for and where she's going to be.
9. crazy as hell. I want to let go and I want someone to free fall with me. Trust me, you've never been loonely when you see me go berserk! Haha.
10.absolutely confident. Not pompous ass proud, but more "my resolve is infinite" (Damn I'm watching too much anime)
11.beautiful. Beauty is subjective. I have pimples, so do the math.

She MUST love clubbing, my arms, walking long distances, me more when I lose myself to my retard mode, my friends and most importantly herself when she's with moi!

Renovation In Progress

2006-10-17T09:51:00.000+08:00

Hello, if you're visiting my blog for the first time. WEll good for you and this is forewarning that this blog template was not my favourite. BUT an attempt to fix my expired tag board resulted in this orange shit I now hafta call my blogskin.

So yeah. I will do smth about it. But until my nice blog friend comes out from the army, I'm pretty much stuck with this format. Also just a side note. In my last blog skin. the titles were all omitted so if you're really bored. Now all my post and poems have titles. Because I tot nobody would ever see them I usually wrote crap! But for u're amusement and my embrassesment, they are now for the world to see!

Now i shall leave you to revel at my new most exciting shitty layout, while frantically msg my friend for another well... Favour... Crap! He's going to like accmulate it and blackmail me for a car or smth. Damnit!

Pim die pimpy die

2006-10-07T02:30:00.000+08:00

Ok over the duration of 3 plus months, I have been having this huge breakout pimple crap that wun go away. I have blogged about them in my previous posts and i will tell you now that the sight of me will make u lose all inhibition about ur own appearences.

YES! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I CERTIFY MYSELF U . G . L . Y (you ain't got no alibi) me ugly!

Get this! Im so ugly, I make ugly jokes out of myself for fun?

WOOT! I'm so ugly people who dun know me tell me that I have to fix my acne problem. SERIOUSLY RANDOM STRANGERS! Ok they are all aunties BUT STILL they fucking dun know me. Like the servers at the restaurants will ask me why my acne is so bad and wad am I doing to cure it. Also they wld say "yi qian bu shi zi yang de" which means if I had got the hanyu pinyi right - last time wasn't like this one right?

CRAPPERS! An isetan sales woman felt compelled to tell me about her daughter who had bad acne and even wanted to give me the number of a clinic that her daughter went to.

It doesn't stop there. Ppl in ELEVATORS. FUCKING ELEVATORS start off small talk using my face as a platform. THANK YOU!!!

A HAIR STYLIST AT JEAN YIPP asked if i didn't mind pain. I tot fuck another queer guy is going to be cutting my hair. Den later he said he wanted to introduce me to a FACIALIST! NABEI NABEI NABEI!!!!

I am GRATEFUL, if anything for their concern, but seriously it has got to stop. You know in the past 3 months I swear I have learnt of so many fabled cures to acne I would be able to write a sound 10page report!

It's so bad I have to tell you the story behind this medicine called RECUTIN or smth like that.

Some GP told me that it would change my skin type and that I would never have ance ever again but I would breakout worse than michael jackon (freakout right...) in the first two months of the course. All I had to do was take it for 1 year. So i was like REJOICE!!!! WOOT! THEIR IS CLEAR SKIN AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL!

Ofcos my better sense a.k.a my mum told me to get a second opinion and praise the lord for blessing my mum with common sense for silly me has none.

It turns out that RECU FUCKING TIN has numerous side effects that the GP "forgot" to mention. Fucking asswipe. They are:

1. Might become impotent
2. might cause your liver to imflame
3. might make ur skin so dry you'll constantly have to moisturise it.

FUCK i stil cant even get over the IMPOTENT BIT! That fucking GP knew about the impotent bit and kept smiling when I asked about the side effects.

DEAR CHILDREN WHO WROTE THAT DOCTOR CARDS! HE DID HEAL YOU, BUT AT WHAT COST!!!!??? HUH!!!

He probably wrote them himself to give him a veneer of goodness. SHIAT! I was fucking fooled by thank you cardS!!!!

SO yes! A doctor felt that reproduction was a lesser need as compared to getting good skin for me!

If you think the whole world is against my acne well guess what? it's not just the world in general, EVEN FATE IS KILLING ME!

My whole entire family. I swear every single sibling, cousin (paternal or maternal) has NO ACNE! Yes I was the only one in my WHOLE GENERATION to get ACNE!

THANK YOU FATE YOU ARE ONE GENEROUSLY SANTA CLAUS OF ANCE!

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! On the flip side I'm sick like crap now. Down with a fever, cold and bad hair BUT My acne is going DOWN!!! WOOOOOOOOOT!

I'm so happy i could kiss cows! I wonder if that makes me sick?

Hmmmmmmmmm...

My dear Ms Lau

2006-10-05T01:18:00.000+08:00

I love Ms Lau. She is the bestest best teacher in the whole entire whole. This is not an infatuation post! No! I proclaim my undying love and adoration for the marketing being of heat!

I luuuurrrrb Ms Lau not becos she tries tirelessly to find exciting new ways to learn the driest shit on earth, not also becos she is as cute as a button and insanely slender for a 30plus year old female and no not becos she can blot and talk at the same time.

HELL NO! There are so many reasons why she is perfect and aweseome and it's not becos, rae said that she said that I was cute. (OMG!) Not becos she was the best L FREAKIN O that there ever was (She was always there for us and also made sure we were not lost as to submissions of deadlines and wad nots), also not becos I get always get lost in her smile.

HELLLLLLLL FUCKING SHIAT NO!!!

I LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee her... Simply becos, she is open about her feelings. She shares tots that are so very sweet. She is an incredible role model. And her earnestness is truly smth everyone sld feel. If I didn't already have her number, I would march up to her and ask for it with a cheesy pick-up line and a smile as board as my shoulders!

I am over the moon and whatever other satelites that orbit the solar system! Ms Lau! MS LAU!! 3 HUGE FUCKING CHEERS FOR MS LAU!!! MS LAU!!!

My list of wants

2006-09-27T07:09:00.000+08:00

I have a wish list. No it's not my birthday. But I just want theses things or situations to happen. Sld I ever be so lucky:

1. to dance in the rain without any inhibition to the tune of a smashing rock song

2. to do something really stupid and have the victim wake up and go. WTF? Like move a potted plant 2 meters away from the original position and leave a note saying, "I wanted to steal this, but I got bored about 2 secs in. Congrats, you still have your plain plant with you. MWuahaHAaHHHaH!"

3. to not have everyone stare at me when I go "Oh my cheebye."

4. to not have ppl constantly telling me that I have no cheebye when I go "Oh my cheebye".

5. see all my friends go crazy drunk. They are such amsuing shitheads. Hahahaha...

6. to watch more girly girl films. I cant help it, I'm a scream addict.

7. to have a girl come up to me and say hi, walk away, make me chase her and ask for her number. Move me damnit!

8. to feel more vunerable

9. to be able to help the ppl who helped me.

10. sing my heart out at kbox and not feel shy.

11. love like I just found out I can, for forever

12. an intelligent, witty, independant, modest, charming, babalicious, sly, uncompromising, crazy, abosolutely confident and beautiful girlfriend.

13. to have porn legalised. LOL!

5 fifty eight

2006-09-27T05:20:00.000+08:00

Hey there,
As you all know by now. This blog is more or less in dedication to a girl I'll never probably meet but have my hopes up to the heavens for. So WOOT!

today's post is about my honesty. I know some f you have been brought to places by my honesty and my earnestness. I do plead guilty to that charge. I love who I am. My conviction in my own state of being makes me Kegan. I would not lie to you but I am not completely honest. There are some details that I wish not to bare. But that is another story.

I am comfortable with myself to understand that I want to move as I do now. To accept that I cry and i feel that it's fine. I am no macho man. and I do know I don't have a need to be one. The alpha male syndrome was not "conducted" to me. I take pride in wad I have and what I want to be.

Sometimes I say stuff that seems weird and off key to you. And even queer. But I do mean them. Ok wait banquet ppl. All the gay shiat, I'm just playing. like you guys are. Well... I hope you guys are, cos if not. I was molested a lot... FUCK!
Gross tot.

You know me. Dun irritate me when I'm pissed. Dun piss me off when I'm irritated and we sld be fine. So dear friends and er. Stalkers.

I am proud to be me. =D

good day to you.

Edit Post? My title doesn't matter!

2006-09-19T22:23:00.000+08:00

Hey there,
I've been having dreams lately and it was really disturbing the last one. I was living with this older woman. Like it's obvious she's old she had old skin grey hair but a slender figure and she was pretty. Well, I felt she was pretty. Like julia roberts at 60. But anyways. I was living with her and sleeping with her. No I dun have MILF fantasies and it was not a wet dream.

But it didn't feel wrong. I was not at all replused by anything. It felt ok. Lovin to some extent. I could see the distance in her eyes. It was pretty weird. And we were doing it in an apartment that had a spectacular view of the golden gate bridge. Shut up about the MILF fantasy already. Den after that she said she needed to leave and I was like.. Cool..

So i was just sitting in that soddy apartment with the grey paint on the walls peeling off to reveal the plaster beneath them. (Man my dreams are detailed) and thinking hey i like my life. It was a sense of stillness in my soul that had so much... power? It was incredible.

I got up put on some clothes and went down to the lobby and there was an old friend who i don't talk to anymore playing pool and he asked me out. I smiled and I refused his offer as I needed to be here when she got back. Cos I dunno. I wanted to? My friend was still young as was I. So yeah... Weird and surreal but so incredibly vivid.

So anyways, I went back to the apartment and there was another old lady. The same slender and pretty but very obviously old. And I knew her. Like she was the first lady but just a little different. Diff outside, same inside. I knew it, absolute convinction. We did it again and it was this same stirring power that awoke me. I had a good rest that night. And I'm just curious as to what these dreams about.

Cheebye is cheebye? LOL! SICK!]

I dunno. But I'm happy I'm sleeping long enough to have dreams. WOOT!

life as we know it

2006-09-13T23:38:00.000+08:00

Recently, I have been having my dream girl dreams again. Yes they are the ones where I have a life with my dream girl in my dreams. She is my perfect fit and she's bathed in white light. So becos of this occurance I have been lamenting on the possibility of a PERFECT GIRL.

My conclusion is that there is one for everyone. Well actually perfect in itself is impossible as we humans are fundamentally flawed. So yesh. Our perception of perfect is impossible to achieve as it is ever changing and always evolving as we become less flawed ourselves - hence, safely i say, perfect is impossible. BUT that arguement aside. Let's call it dream girl den. Your projection of a perfect girl. Ha.

So by the saying, you cannot find something if you're not looking for it. I can conclude that if I am searching for smth den I will most probably find it. BUT again it's wrong as if it doesn't exist and I am searching for it, How can I find something that does not exist? It is rather strange isn't it? BUT then comes in, "How will I know it doesn't exist, if you have not found it?"

FUCK! Isn't all these interesting fuck facts really demoralising to us dreamers?

So at the end of the day with all the jumble mumble about shit or shit not. The lowdown on everything is nothing is impossible if impossible is nothing.

Think however you will for it could go either way.

Live in the grey - cos there was never a black nor white.

Wow, I make crap sound good. Congradulations. I just wasted 2 mins of ur life! WOOT!

Cockadodaldo

2006-09-05T09:29:00.000+08:00

Wit is my biggest turn-on.

Can I say I am fucked up? I mean I like tits and ass but I like wit more? The simple manupilation of a sentence that forms an entirely new meaning to it?

The sardonic smile that represents something more than just white teeth? The timely ah ha(s) - each symbolising smthing else? WTF!

Where are all the witty girls?!!!

We're all so caught up in ourselves we cant appreciate anyone else?AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Ok me and my supervisor are pretty tight. Like we'll talk about stuff that crosses that distinction of heiracy. So anyways we were in this madrush to organise the WaterFest 2006. This was wad happened.

It was late and we were in the office and so we got a lil mad. screaming and shouting with all the dramatic hesterias.

So we wanted to predict the success of the event. The operation personel went to check the weather forecast. It siad stormy weather through the whole weekend! AND WE NEEDED CLEAR SKY!

So we were fucked there. Den my supervisor went to read her horoscope and it said that "the planets are in conflicting motion for the start of the sept month, take extra care as things WILL go WRONG!"

We're like WTF? Den i asked maybe it's just her horoscope. But it turns out that every single one will screw up at the start of the month and our event is on the 2th and 3th of sept. FUCK THE PLANETS!

Den i went on to read my horoscope. and it said the same shit. Die die die... And it said that something bad will happen on the 3rd of Sept and something did. I LOST THE RESEARCH DIVISION'S TROLLEY!

CHEEBYE! It's a fucking trolley and it's going to be spoilt! FUCK U ASSHOLES! But oh well it's my fault. So now I have to go tell my supervisor that I lost it and this is the apprasial time. DAMNIT! I'll just buy the stupid trolley to ensure my grade stays the way it is. WOOT! I hope it's a cheap trolley.

3 More weeks till I have my life back. I can't wait.

WaterFest 2006

2006-08-29T00:11:00.000+08:00

I've only got one thing to say.

Check out www.waterfestsingapore.com

Even if you've only got 2 mins for me. Spend it checking out this site.

Cos the Wakeboard try outs, waterski demos + water canoe + jet boat rides + free style motocross shows + concert + mega loads of smashing contest with fantabulistic prizes is enough reason.

My word is just a bonus!

It happens on the 2nd & 3 rd Sept. TO miss it would be like shooting a blank load. ;D

er. Girls, if you missed it, it's like your dildo running out of batt when you're almost there.

GETTI! So DUN MISS IT DUH!

Love lost?

2006-08-14T13:53:00.000+08:00

Hi random musings time. Ok so of late I've been spending my days at Singapore Sports Council as an intern. Which has totally been awesome.

So I've grown to love a lot of my colleuges here and they are some pretty awesome smashing friends.

It's just sad that when you've grown close to them and want to find out who they are or rather. What more they are, you can't cos it's over and that's pretty sad a reason.

Like my pimple analogy. Ok so there's a clear line on my face. And all the skin above that line is CLEAR. CLEAR AS THE FUCKING SKY IS BLUE! But every inch below is fucking infested with pimple fucks. SO it is evil to give me clear skin and take the part of it away. It's like giving you a hunky body and no cock. FUck super screwed up. It does related to my "friends getting to know but too sad they gotta leave liaoz" thing. It does. It just sounds retarded cos I'm saying it. haha.

So what I'm trying to say is that I was blessed with beautiful ppl that came into my life during my internship but i will probably never know how wonderful they are as they have to leave. That's a crying shame. I'm a sapper i know...

Complexion was never a problem for me when I didn't realise how much it helps. FUCK MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT! DAMNIT! But anyways, I've been having this patch of pimples on my left cheek that grew out suddenly about 3 weeks ago and since has not gone down much since.

It irritates me cos THE FUCKERS ARE FREAKING INVINCIBLE!

I was playing this soccer this one time and the ball was slammed right into my face. It was no ordinary ball ok. The guy is a freaking chinese rooney. He just powers the ball and when it hits the pole it flies right back to him ok? The person on the court that could take his balls (LOL) was me. So when it slammed into my face, the loud ringing in my ears wasn't that bad. and the feeling of being knocked silly by a bull wasn't that bad either becos the first tot that came to my mind was did that asshole burst my fucking invincible pimple?

NO HE FUCKING DIDN'T! THE PIMPLES ARE FUCKING MUTATED INVINCIBLE INDESTRUCTABLE PIMPLES!

I am cursed. Period.

But it's ok. There are so many ways to get rid of them now. So when Im more well off I'll buy a lazer CANNON and blast those muthafuckers away! WOOT!

And so my dear friends from ssc - thank you for ur love. and your hearts. Let's keep in touch as best we can.

And to pearle - thank you cos you have helped me remember shit that I sld already know and my dear friend, you couldn't have been more timely.

Thank you.

Myth

2006-08-04T13:59:00.000+08:00

I dream of pastel white snow falling from the sun.
Of free spirits dancing in the square's springs.

And of a girl who lives in my dreams.

How fucked up am I. HA!

Lag Man

2006-07-11T18:16:00.000+08:00

Oh those sullen eyes,
that broken smile.
you've been through shit,
been trugging for a while.

when I see your face,
it's always grey.
maybe it's P M S
or maybe cause I'm Suey.

there are times when you're
a bit more than glad
you perk up like cock
almost like you're mad!

But we still love you
and your pyschopathic ways
let's wait together
for that one perfect day.

we will all be rich,
live like kings and queens.
we'll feast like barons
Never will we binge!

Assholes shall fall!
before our grace
just like the fat bitach
we know as fuckface.

Oh those sullen eyes,
that broken smile.
you've been through shit,
been trugging for a while...

Ringin'

2006-06-22T03:13:00.000+08:00

In the distance, I sense stares
The kind that preices through your soul.
the strong eyes of thousands,
focused on a singular goal.

That which was unattainable
is now within reach of men.
through the ages, lives were lost
searching for this from way back when.

I hold it close to my chest
racking my brains to find a means to an end.
To flee or to fight would both prove pointless.
I'm in a desert and they are the sand.

I flinch at the thought of perishing.
I know not fear as i do now.
This feeling can never be erased.
to it, I am bounded.

Haiz...

I love you

2006-06-11T21:47:00.000+08:00

I love you,
I know this.
Total conviction,
in my daydream kiss.

You came to me in dreams
and saw me for who I was
You understood every word i said,
Simply, Just because.

You set no other mood then happy,
and prance around with such grace.
you shake your ass like no one
silence whole crowds with your craze

you invoke the best in me
I feel invincible when you're around.
It's like christmas everyday
I am a king without a crown.

I love you with all I am,
Truly I am in bliss.
With you I can do anything,
if only you exist.

Phuture

2006-06-11T21:40:00.000+08:00

Set in darkness are shards of bright light,
and in the weak we find true valor and strength.
In times of doubt and spans of folly,
The world of men must travel the entire length.

For greatness stems not from victory,
No. It is in the core of every soul.
In trial and tribulation and in the midst of battle fury,
it comes to all, ten fold.

happy birthday helmi

2006-06-05T12:01:00.000+08:00

1st June was Helmi's birthday. All our racist jokes ceased on his special day. Haha. All the "Macdonald's Ta Halal" and "Wow, why is you're skin so tan? Right... You're malay!" So anyway. This dumb bugger is 19 and we celebrated his birthday a few days late. The evening started out like such,

I was late for the meet up (as usual). I fell asleep on my bed cos i slept too little and so Julius was all over my ass. So anyway we gathered together the 4 of us, helmi, julius, brian and me. after some cabbing and some weird phone calls, the four of us had gathered to celebrate the perv's birthday. BRIAN! You are retarded! Take you're fucking PHONE COVER OFF when u pick up calls. I can't fucking hear you. LOL. Fucktard.

So we made our way down to the secret recipie to get helmi's present which was the whole entire chocolate banana cake. It WAS HUGE! Like OH MATHA FUCKING HELL LOOK AT THIS ROUND CHOCOLATE THING Huge! So we carried it all the way to the lan center.
Julius left us for a bit cos he had plans but was going to meet us at the lan centre. So me brian and helmi WALKED to the lan center which was totally cool i guess. But only after 5 bus stops we realised we SOOOOO sld have taken a bus. WE WERE NO WHERE NEAR THE LAN CENTER.

Convo
Brian: It's walkable. I just did a 12km (forgot exactly wad distance) fast march yesterday.
Helmi: yeah this will train you up for army kegan.
Kegan: eh huh?
Brian: oh look we can see parkway parade from here. We must be near.
Kegan: are you freaking dumb. It's at least 6 bus stops away. I can see the moon! WOW I can WALK to it too.

(due to the fact that I have a pathetic readership, I have altered the story a little bit to make it more interesting MWUAHAHAHAH!)'

So after we finally reached the lan center, we played a couple games of lan and julius came and we played a couple more.

But the funniest part was when we left the lan center.

WARNING! DO NOT EAT THE CHOCOLATE BANANA CAKE IN HUGE PORTIONS! IT MAKES U FUCKING HIGH! It is extremely delicious no doubt, but you might comatose, die of laughter, think zombies are everywhere(yes julius, that's you), start shouting ridiculous shiat at strangers and just have a COMPLETE BLAST!

So we were cutting the cake at an abandoned security counter. YES THE GUARD WAS SLEEPING. Hello Katong Mall Management, You might wanna look into this matter. BOOYA

We each had a HUGE SLICE. not a sissy piece or a manly man slice but a fucking IMMA ROCK! I'M A WWE WORLD CHAMPION FUCK GIVE ME THE CAKE SLICE! Just about a few seconds after finishing the cake, JULIUS went berserk. he was going on and on about how zombies would spring out of nowhere and attack us and he kept calling the people who walked pass zombies. eg:

Julius: Oh! the zombies are coming!
Kegan: sure, i'm sure all zombies gossip.
Julius: Oh this one's a fat one! Get the gun, we need to shoot them in the head.
Kegan + Helmi + Brian: Ok! no more cake for julius...

After laughing about everything and faking spasms we left the mall and headed home. In the cab, julius was still high and singing along to oldies on the radio. I think the uncle was VERY AFAID cos he didn't respond to us at all while julius was in his freak stage. LOL. Highly retarded but extremely enjoyable. Haha.

I had a blast! I can't wait for julius's BIRTHDAY! WMAUAHAhahAAHAHAHAhAhA.

Why?

2006-05-19T14:15:00.000+08:00

Still no poem. Sorry but I dun write em if I don't feel them. So till my next attempt at sounding like i have an understanding of life, this post shall entertain you, i guess.

you know how sometimes you seem to be drawn to something but have absolutely no understanding why? Like how some people like to put circles instead of dots on their "I"s or how we like a specific colour? WELL. I for one try to explain (to myself) my facination with such er things.

I recently have immersed myself in the songs of jewel. ya know the artist that embodies pain and beauty but sold herself out to the devil we call the pop industry to make money. Haiz... So i have been reliving her songs in my mp3 quite a bit and just today it struck me. THE REASON is that i miss lena. Ok to all who dunno who she is. Lena is my good friend in secondary school. I know we were close and all and i really wanted to help her out and stuff. BUT she would always keep me at an arm's length when it came to the deep stuff.

I think maybe she wanted to protect me. BUT more so because she was afraid to lose me as a friend. I THINK (and now probably will never know) that she thought that way because of the things that happened to her. But i would never do anything to harm her. If you know me, my true strength is understanding. And becos of that I feel that she did not trust me enough to understand her and that pains me.

So hence I have been listening to jewel to quell(?) the pain?

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Whatever it is. If you ever read this Lena - I miss you and I am you're friend. Should you one day think that you don't have anyone or any friends anymore. Please remember me. Because I don't think I could ever forget you. Please take care of yourself and your new family.

Your Friend Always,
Kegan.

Comments?

2006-03-31T02:50:00.000+08:00

Ok so still no poems. BIG FISH! But i'm here again updating about the queer and silly incidents that has happened to me. I recently went for a "common allergents test" and found out that I am allergic to 3 FUCKING different types of bed mites. HOWEVER the shocking thing is that I am certified not allergic to grass or shellfish which is a WHOLE LOTTA BS in my book. But since I'm not i'm going to try lying on grass tml and I'll never really be able to prove it. Cos I know I am so allergic that when I do touch grass, I start festerig swells faster than project super"wadeva" takes over singapore.

Also, I finished watching eurotrip and the fact that i'm a sapper has been reinforced. And I so fucking want to GO TO EUROPE! I love the robot! LOL he is some crazy french shiat!

Ok I promise my next post will be a poem. =)

Like wtf!

2006-03-23T01:02:00.000+08:00

The world is screwed over! People have not heard of PLACEBO! No really it is fucking insulting for mtv to post a link right beside the event poster to tell people wad only one of brit's BIGGEST acts are. WTF MAN. How can no one have heard of PLACEBO. I am stumpped and totally obliberated that someone would ask me to choose between soccer and PLACEBO. I mean come on! Well anyways. I'm here to update my blog with a message thing. I have no poems for a while but i will soon. Ha. Erm. Lena's around and that's awesome. I just hope she's ok. And er I love my birthday present. Note it's singular. But most definately awesome. I think macdonald's is trying to dominate the world. They open outlets all over the world and tempt everyone to buy their junk. even made it 24 hours so we can get obese around the clock. THEY WANT US TO BE SO HUGE WE'RE IMMOBLE, they'll walk around and stab us all. But on a lighter note. I am in love with techno. =) Hi.

Eh fru tu mei

2006-03-11T02:56:00.000+08:00

For those who say they are too young,
Let me say this:

you can drive at 16,
go to war at 18.
Drink when you're 21,
and retire at 65.

So how old have to be for you love to be real?

Omg KMS im such a sapper.

Tu Eh Un Retard

2006-03-03T01:11:00.000+08:00

I stay true to myself as much as I can.
For that is what keeps me sane.
From my crazy antics from psycho hell,
to all things dull and mundane.

Why should the world not let themselves go?
and throw all your inhibitions to the wind?
For why must all you self-absorbed pricks,
be who you truly are only after 2 bottles of gin?

Judge me as however you want
cause I really don't care.
for you see me not as who I am,
you cannot see my bare.

Asswipes

Dance, Dance my ass...

2006-02-15T20:45:00.000+08:00

Sitting in the walkway
a lonely old man
beard tinted a silver grey
he knows not his name nor his friends.

For this one man
walks the halls
from days before you could remember
since spring ended in march,
till fall starts
up all the way to lonely december.

We all walk pass
sometimes we stare
at his small and fragile frame.
he looks so lost
and so sad
so puzzled as to what's his name?

He calls out a few
and tries to think,
but still nothing comes to mind.
Fred, Greoge or Buttersworth
perhaps a John Smith
or even Eutiwne?

The days pass and the years grow
but still this old one stays
for age has caught up to him
and no more Jeremys can he say.

Thus one last walk down the hall
this elderly man of 80 takes
a final stroll towards the end
the best recollection attempt ever made.
His steps are weak,
for his legs start shake into a tremble
everything blurs into a swirl
and temperature drops a little below normal
his final wish
to call his own name
will it be granted to him?
for i do not know,
but i do wish yes.
As i do wish you'd wish too.

Good Wednesday to you.

DoDo

2006-02-13T01:40:00.000+08:00

If you know you love someone,
Why question it?

Me So Horny

2006-02-05T02:36:00.000+08:00

I am forever faithful,
just like a broken horse.
I am forver waiting,
just like a latent force.

So you say I'm useless,
and that I'm a joke.
So you look down upon me,
label me a "Great big hoax".

for this I tell you,
they are all just lies.
for when you know me,
it's when the truth will rise.

you fucking bastard,
just look me in the eye.
a poem of savage anger,
and torrid cheebye.

you know not dead from dying,
cos you own half a brain.
the other portion,
was long shot down the drain.

further seeding sorrow,
yet you show no shame.
for you take merry,
and still you soil my name!

Heaven is on fire

2006-01-23T01:49:00.000+08:00

Life renews itself
in the slendour of your eyes
Hope forged by mercy
Focused on my one "Hi..."

I walk up to you
and utter the word
It comes out in mumble
fuck it, I'm all nerd

The clouds are smog
The white now grey
Air turns to dust
And earth back to clay

What was I doing?
Damn it! She's way away from me
I'm like the 40 year-old virgin
only TIMES 3!

Heaven is on fire
Hell is frozen cold
Water turned to stone
Wheat fashioned into gold?

For I see a glimmer of hope
the whites in her teeth show
they break into a BIG smile
and uttered a reply, "Hi beau."

The world then spins faster
Centred by no force
Evil straying to the light
Wandering but not lost

From then on till now
I live by my code
memorised by all nerds
that have since gotten rode.

"Dream no longer in sleep
Wake not in your bed
Sleep not to wake up
Work only to be dead"

I have no clue how to work my blog.

2006-01-18T23:36:00.000+08:00

Roses bleed a bright red, on the tomestone that said, "Here lies a lonely boy, who never saw the world."

Each day his parents would speak, but his voice they did not hear. A room away, behind a door, connected only by the dinner call. Messages were sent under the slit beneath his door. Words were written, not spoken anymore.

With each day that passed, they started to realise, it was no love they had for their son. It was disappointment that he was not like them. He was their only one. As after him, they had no more, for things were to be as such. They lost their special gift. They had lost the divine touch.

The boy was not blind. He did see and too he heard, the pained cries his mother made, as he lay sliently in his bed. The weary stares his father gave, as the boy got ready for school. And how his Papa's mouth would mime "I am but a fool."

So one day, he ran away and left his parents this note. It was a poem of tragety and one last message he wrote:

Sometimes in the night
I would weep,
for your gentle touch
is not mine to keep.

I prayed very hard,
and waited patiently for you.
lost and dishivelled
and yet i'll keep my cool.

each day an eternity
that crushes me...
Drives me into the ground
with it devious glee...

Now as I walk
to my watery grave.
With soul so empty
and waviered, my faith.

I feel the tide
trashing towards the shore.
It's so far away now,
I can almost hear the ocean's call.

I sink deeper and deeper
with sadness engulfing me.
I drift from my body
into this sorrowful sea.

At long last, I am free.

singlecam RWAKS!!!

2005-12-23T18:42:00.000+08:00

I can only see you from afar.
It's forbidden to go where you lie.
How can I reach you so far up?
How to I go to where angels fly?

Your eyes glint a sea of pain.
I feel your deep sorrow.
And those around you only smile,
for it's your popularity, they borrow.

I love you,
you must know this.
faith unwaivering,
centred in my daydream kiss.

I long to meet you.

RAWR!

2005-12-17T23:28:00.000+08:00

You stole the roar from my thunder... I love you...

Life Rocks

2005-12-08T21:19:00.000+08:00

You know the feeling you get, and you know that everything's gonna be ok.

You are that feeling to me.

My Ass Is On Fire

2005-11-16T01:53:00.000+08:00

"We were put on earth to save each, and maybe do something great together."

Lately I've been hanging with some of my guy friends. Now im down right sick. I find everything sick. Like my sandwich is green? becomes a visual of two guys squeezing one of those vegetarian advocates who wear very little to attract attention. GET IT! Not that i mind but it's starting to disrupt my life.

BUT there's a downside. Cos some times they say weird stuff about ugly or er fat ppl. and it's just a lil gross even for me. But well, the peaks dun come without valleys.

I'm updating more often. I'm quite happy. YAY! which in turn means i have no life. Hence i sld be sad. Weird how we are so governed by our own actions. so we actually have absolute control over our lives and yet so many ppl at my age are claiming that they are lost when they have never really driven. Get my drift?

WHERE ARE YOU? There's this sappy song on radio about that one girl or guy your destined to be with. It's absolute emo crap but i cant help but sing along. It makes me retarded and weak. But mostly retarded. Haha.

It's 2a.m. in the morning and school has just started. I'm not quite sure how heavy this semester will be but i want to look back and remember it fondly. Or at least remember it. TIME FUCKING FLIES IN POLY. or my brain turns to mush faster. I suspect it's the latter.

Lena's missing or well. we totally lost contact with her and she hasn't bothered to call us or perhaps she doesn't want to. I dunno what happened to her but i do believe she's ok. For all her strengths i admire one the most. The ability to cope. She has had stuff thrown at her time and time again but she's managed to get by however well she can. Which is awesome. If only ppl knew her and saw her for who she is. But ppl are fucking stupid, as was i.

A sidenote. I do not nor did not have any romantic connections with lena.

Which brings me to my next point. How many girls must ppl pair me up with and end up horribly wrong. We're just friends. Yes they are pretty and quite attrative but i dun like them.

I do not have a crush on every girl i talk to. and just cos i hang with them doesn't mean im totally crushing them or have an secret motive or wadeva. Why cant it be that i enjoy their company. THe warmth of their smiles and the comfort of knowing i am in the company of friends. I like friendship. the kind where you see each other from a far and already u're smiling. and not the kind you see den u decide whether to smile. The kind that doesn't come on it's own. FUCK! (refer to the sick visual point above)

Don and drew is so addictive. I've been going to the site to download the clips and they are really good. ABSOLUTE Nonsense! But very entertaining. COOL!!!

Ok it's 02:08. Im off to bed. Nite.

My titles dun show.

2005-11-15T07:28:00.000+08:00

I refuse to believe that everyone needs to have a girlfriend.

No seriously? Perhaps it's just me but a lot, and i do mean A LOT of my friends have been hinting at me to go get one. I mean seriously??? Come on you guys. It's just girls. Yes i still have my dick on me. I check regularly.

Second issue. WTF stop with the "You should go have sex". Just a sidenote. I KNOW!!!

So far my life's been pretty ok. Stable and smooth. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... I'm just typing random stuff now. I'm trying to plan for my future but it seems too far in the, em well Future.

So I'm suppose to live in the moment? Weird.

I'll update more often but I dun have many poems to write lar. Poems come faster if I'm in the clouds. So girls if ya want ur poems stand in line and try your luck. Cos i seemed to have ran out on mine. Haha.

Another sidenote. Been spending too much money on shopping. Ha sld have know. I miss school. Well haising not much of tp. I miss my friends who are damned to go thru the A level hell month. SOOO after that their free and I have my friends back. Sometimes i wonder whether i sld have gone to jc. BUT when im in class and im totally tuning out, i know why. Cos tuning out in poly is much better than sleeping in jc. =) Ok I LOVE WHAT I'M STUDYING. And the BUs are more chio.

Bite Me

2005-10-15T02:04:00.000+08:00

I love you.
For I know this.
Total conviction.
Sealed in one kiss.

You are my hope
My charm, my light, my day.
A perfect delusion?
Na ah No way.

You came to me in dreams,
Saw me as I was.
Understood me for who I am,
Simply, Just Because.

I shall wait patiently.
For the day will arrive.
Brave any storm or winter,
Even if it's just to say "Hi..."

For who are you?
and where do you reside?
How do I find you?
When will you be mine?

Seek me out as I do you.
For I know you exist.
Total conviction,
In my daydream kiss.

FInd me.

WOOT!

2005-07-04T04:50:00.000+08:00

The sun sets not in your eyes.
The glow ends not in your smile.
Song muses always in your voice.
Insanity leaks through your wilds.

You walk with the upmost of grace.
Prance with the most of style.
Shake your ass like no one.
A country of savage, you'll qwell!

Greatnessm you embody.
Fuzzy you are, as sheep!
That look you showed me in secret,
Forever, i will keep.

Love me not for a day,
a year, a decade or two.
Commit me to forever.
Entwined, just me & you.

FInd me.

Dysfuctional Ramblings...

2005-05-25T03:47:00.000+08:00

"Question not the reason of your being.
Think not of the truth that will be.
Love not a person that never was.
Dream not of a life you do not have."

Ok here i go.

I dream of a girl. She's bathed in bright white light. And i Know I Love Her.

I have been havng dreams of her. The Same Girl.

We lead a life in my dreams. Go on dates: in the park, hold hands, smile at each
other like we would not want to be anyway else. Perfect charm i would say.

We kissed. Her lips pressed on mine and mine on hers. It felt like it was so right
it just couldn't be wrong. Yeah i know it's quite the chilche. But really. It was
amazing.

Right now you're probably thinking i'm a desparate psycho or a desparate Pathetic
psycho. But hey. We are who we are. =)

I just hope i find you soon. My love.

"Confuse not hope with delusion.
Mix not fear with anger.
Belive not all you see
For The One might just be the other."

Ps: The poems are rules i try to ground myself with. But i occasionally just shit with them. =D Just to clear your doubts about this entry.

- No, it's not a porno fantasy
- Yes I do agree I have a pathetic blog.

Here i am...

2005-03-29T02:26:00.000+08:00

peering through my window,
out into the dark.
sight is what we perceive,
calibrated, without the heart.

all that was there,
was not to be seen.
hopeless i thought life was
condamned i was deemed.

sound asleep, my family was.
not creek nor crack could be heard.
the night was growing cold.
tingled a little. Weird.

I take a moment
to clear my mind.
thoughts going berserk
this one, i wasn't going to be fine.

hung by a rope
this would be how i go
gone without goodbyes...
after all, i am cold.

i felt it on my face
every fibre in the bind
death himself smiled,
humour- rarest of its kind.

peering through my window,
out into the dark.
sight is what we perceive,
calibrated, without the heart.

Then and now...

2005-02-22T09:45:00.000+08:00

"do you know what has changed in the past 72 hours? Nothing..." -Trinity

a lot has changed in the last few weeks. people come, people go. people closest grew cold. but it doesn't matter much cos it's all just shit. it puzzles me how i can get so mad over shitheads. i post this not as vengence or as lashing but as a release. for the anger has passed and nothing remains. i still cant believe that i could be so blind. i just like the quote above where trinity was willing to do anything for neo and her faith in him never waivered. ok now im jut blabbering... well wadeva it is, im just not going to care. true hypocrites are the ones who do what they accuse of people doing knowing that they are doing it and still not try to stop. amazing. how do they sleep at night?

"to see the world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower
to hold infinity in the plam of your hand and eternity in an hour" - william blake

whatever

2005-02-06T02:29:00.000+08:00

The last song never ended,
The first never begun.
Infinity fleeting forever,
All that was is now done.

1,2,3...

2005-01-21T23:52:00.000+08:00

Came and went,but did not see.
the person that stands infront of thee.
forsaked the peace and the calm.
now he stones and is numb.

to calls of friends and family alike.
takes not a glance, instead flight.
waivers not from his choice.
killed and silenced is his voice.

the deed is done and the sin sown.
actions that pass may not be condoned.
still they see not who i am.
Now,i can safely say,"i am damned."

Me

2004-12-07T10:45:00.000+08:00

No more will sadness visit me.
No more will there be only you to miss.

All that was is now gone.
There is nothing to hold onto.

So perhaps now i can finally move on.
Good Bye.